Let it play out or Suicide?

Forums: Relationships, Mental Health
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what i wrote is very messy but i wrote it as it came to mind so please bear with me..

my ex and i had been together for about 5 years where the last year was hell. we had allot of fights which was mostly my fault and broke up about a year ago. We have a beautiful daughter that's turning 4 this year. all the while we were together we made allot of dept which i took responsibility of when we broke up so she could look after our daughter the best she could. Unfortunately for me i am now unable to pay any of my bills, school fees or anything else for that matter. i'm struggling to survive by eating about a slice of bread a day and not having a social life is getting to me. my work conditions have worsened as well in the past year as my work actually told me they are trying to make my work hell so i would quit because they don't have anything on me to get me fired. my family is non existent so talking to them about anything is out of the question. i have lost all my friends as they always told me negative stuff and i decided that i don't need them anymore as i already feel useless and want to commit suicide. i'm still in love with my ex and want to marry her but she doesn't seem to feel the same way as she thinks all our problems were my fault and mine alone. i want to see my baby grow up and see how her life plays out but at the moment i think it would be best if she doesn't know me at all and see what a bad person i am. funny enough i don't do anything illegal like drugs, i don't even drink alcohol.

My life's a mess and the harder i try to get it in order the more it seems like suicide might be the only way out. i am currently undergoing dept counselling but its not helping at all as i still can't afford paying them. i'm also taking pills i got over a counter to put my mind to rest so i can get sleep at night ( i cant afford going to a psychologist or even a normal doctor), i can't even seek help cuz i can't afford it. my ex tells me she wants to be friends but whenever i call her she never answers or gets back to me the only time she actually gets in contact with me is when she wants something from me like money. the only person in the world i can think of that gives me love is my baby which i only see about 4 days a month (every second weekend) and i love her to bits.

so here's my question. considering everything that's happening in my horrible life if its worth letting it play out or should it just be ended? and if its actually worth living anyone that's got some wise advice to give?

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Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 846 • Replies: 9

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@nonumous,

Wise advice alone isn't going to sway you or change your mental state. You need mental health counseling. There are community agencies if you aren't able to afford it due to finances to help you in this emergency. I'll let other post links for mental health counselors or facilities.

Get help NOW and don't feel it's beyond your reach or it's too hard to reach out because you feel beaten down. These events are temporary setbacks. You reached out here but this is not the answer; however, it is a first step to getting help.

Here's the main reason to see through your getting help:

Quote:

We have a beautiful daughter that's turning 4 this year.

Do you remember the character named Billy Bigelow?

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@nonumous,

hey,I think every one will have a difficult time in his or her life. Everything will be okay. I believe you will be a good father to take care of your daughter.

Come on!!!!!

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@nonumous,

Play it out.

I know that it sounds repetitive but what you are experienced many of us had suffered or are suffering right now. But anyways we keep pushing and battling and fighting and struggling.

That pain caused by the problems can be considered in two ways, one as the world rejecting us, as our god abandoning us, as the universe conspiring against us.

Or it can be considered as the opposite. I am alive. I feel this pain and it goes threw me, because i am here and i am now and i am myself. I am capable of pain because i am compeltely capable of happiness. Because true happiness is the way we take not the objective.

I belive that we most find happiness within ourselves, so we can bring happiness to others. And never construct our happiness around someone else (ex. spouse, Gf, SO).

Fight to be the man you want your child to remember.

I also recommend treatment for possible depression. There are many non profit organizations that help people in this kind of need on the US. Never stop fighting. We are with you Bro.

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@nonumous,

If both people don't love each other then a relationship can't exist as you then enter the realm of altruism. A condition which dooms an individual's happiness, pride and self esteem. Also it is normal to feel the way you are. Further, people spring into action with ways to help you by offering other sources - not themselves. To me this means they don't really care to help but don't want anyone to suicide.

Suicide is always an option to people but usually a fleeting thought. I bet you don't have a plan or intent as you reference your daughter as an immense value. Don't help the ex with money. She sounds like an opportunistic individual which should be ignored apart from what it takes to see your daughter. And believe me most mother enjoy the downtime from their exhausting role. So don't think your daughter will ever be lost to you as you have a right to see her.

Another thing that gets people's spark back is another love pursuit. Do what it takes to get another job or try improving the current prospects with great work. Easy for me to say all this. You need to do what you feel is best. Don't rely on others in any sense - financial or mental health services. Only an individual has the volition to get out of a seemingly dire scenario. You won't ever get people to advocate suicide publicly either. I hope things improve with you.

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@nonumous,

Let it play out!! My ex husband left me with two kids under two many years ago. I was so sad. I didn't understand at the time why I was dealt such terrible cards. Flash forward to now and I am so glad that he left. I ended up remarried to a wonderful man that is perfect for me. I have felt the sadness you feel. Stay strong and move on. You will meet someone else and the job situation can be remedied. Your daughter loves you and needs you. Don't give up.

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Quote:

Nonomous said: i have lost all my friends as they always told me negative stuff and i decided that i don't need them anymore as i already feel useless

What negative stuff did they tell you?
Perhaps they were just trying to give you good advice

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@Romeo Fabulini,

well i'm a very shy person and have a soft heart so if someone comes up to me and tell my look at how skinny you are i can almost see your bones i take offence to it because for more than 10 years I've been trying to get my weight up but it doesn't work i'm still the same weight i was when i was 15 years old. if your called AIDS most of the time it tends to get to you or even told that you have OCD when your just really sad and desperately need someone to talk to, so there's just a few examples about the negative stuff that was being said.

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to everyone that replied. i appreciate it. i feel a lot better these days but still think i need to go see someone and get some help. for my ex i think i'm over her finally, i actually met someone and even tho we only spoke like twice it helped me a lot to move on and not think about my ex constantly, i just hope we will speak more because i really like her. but all and all things are going better. so again, those who replied thank you very much.

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Quote:

Nonumous said: if someone comes up to me and tell my look at how skinny you are i can almost see your bones i take offence to it

I don't blame you, I went through the same thing myself about 6 years ago when my underactive thyroid started playing up and I lost weight and felt cold and sluggish.
The doctor said it was "borderline underactive" and not serious enough to prescribe medication, so I had to put up with it.
People sometimes said "you look a bit thin" and that made me fed up.
I tried switching to non-fluoride toothpaste because i heard the thyroid doesn't like fluoride, and I also started eating grapefruit slices now and again and they seemed to help too, and after a few months I felt much better and started putting on weight.. Smile

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Let it play out or Suicide?

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