Tue 18 May, 2004 12:41 pm
In ancient Greece, Socrates (469 - 399 BC) was well known for
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who
said excitedly, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about
one of your students?
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything
I would like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me
about my student, it might be a good idea to take a moment and
filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth.
Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell
me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and ."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's
true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of
Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student
"Well, no, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad
about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass
the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter
of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student
going to be useful to me?"
"No, I suppose it isn't really."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is
neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at
This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held
in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out
that Plato was banging his wife.
Nice one husker.
My doodie analyses that I have posted in the Philosophy forums appear to be unappreciated. Go figure.
One day in the future, Jesse Jackson has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves." Jesse thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it, was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell. "No," Jesse said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Jesse.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Jesse saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Jesse looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said . . . . . .. . .. . . . . (This is priceless)
"OK, Monica, you're free to go.
Maude and Claude, both in their 80's, lived in a retirement
community. They met in the social center and discovered over time that they
enjoyed each other's company. After several weeks of meeting for coffee,
Claude asked Maude out for dinner and much to his delight, she accepted.
They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic
restaurant in town. And despite his age, Claude was still a charmer.
Afterward, Claude asked Maude to join him at his place for an after-dinner
Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor,
Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.
As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they had
shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.
Claude was thinking: "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been more
Maude was thinking: "If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken off my