Mon 14 Jul, 2014 03:18 pm
I've known my friend since primary school. We were best friends, at each other's houses all the time,inseparable!
She came on to me once during our friendship and nothing else ever happened. As we left secondary school we lost contact for around 4 years. It was during this time that I'd come out as bisexual and entered what turned out to be a 4 year relationship with my ex gf.
During my relationship with my ex, I bumped into my old friend (this was around 6 years ago to date)and instantly fancied her! We exchanged numbers and I made excuses to txt/see her, I had all those butterfly feelings and loved everything about her. I knew nothing would happen between us as I would never cheat on my gf and well my friend, was apparently straight, in a long term relationship. Her relationship was up and down, they were always fighting, splitting up, getting back together.
I saw a lot of my friend and we become really close again. She had a baby, I was the first person she told about the pregnancy-not her ex, I was there at the births or her children-not her ex!
I split with my gf after 4 years and was in a dark place, totally devastated as she'd been cheating on me for the entire 4 years!
My friend was there and she helped me thru the worst time in my life. During this time, my love for my friend deepened and now being single,I dropped the odd hint that I liked her but she'd knock me back with something like 'well if I ever wanna go with a bird, you're the one I'd chose'
She was still on and off with her fella, and I was there for her, making her kids dinner, bathing them, putting them to bed and gave her a shoulder to cry on.
Then I met my fiance and father of my child- and my friend finally totally finished with her ex. We're inseparable and think about eachother night n day, we stay up all hours chatting n texting every single night, we spend Our days together and when we're not together we're texting n calling.she now says I had it right being with a girl n she may turn bisexual as she doesn't like men. She had one too many at a party recently n spent the night on the phone to me-telling me that she's speaking from the heart that I'm her soul mate,she loves me so much and that looking back she never really loved her ex, that it was n always has been me who's been there and that she hopes my fiance knows just how lucky he is'. The past weeks I've noticed she's been dressing up in gorgeous dresses n doing her make up n wearing more jewelry n perfume when we meet (I tell her how gorgeous she looks) recently I noticed that she can't stop this massive silly grin across her face when she's talking to me and she can't seem to maintain eye contact for as long...what does this mean?
I love my fiance and won't ever cheat on him or hurt him but the entire situation is driving me crazy, I've been madly in love with her for 6 years and my feelings and our relationship is somehow growing n deepening every day! What do I do? Do you think she does feel the same way towards me?
There are lots of different kinds of love and unless you two get this straight and out in the open, how are you to know?
You don't say if she wants you sexually. You seem infatuated with each other. You don't talk honestly about your feelings with her. You infer that she even dresses up for you.
Yet you are engaged to a man.
I'm just as mixed up as you.
I agree with Punkey this is compeltely confusing. So first i think i will make it simple. Lets get out the genders out of the equation.
You love your friend, and apparently it seems that you may be correponded. But you are not really sure. There are only assumptions, if you are really interested you have to be clear and ask.
Now you are engaged, in order to have another relationship is your duty then to analyse what you are commited to, and end it if you are not fully convinced. If you are not careful and your friend does not loves you as a partner you will end blowing your commitment for nothing.
It is true as Punkey said, there are many types of love not just passional. Try to be rational and not to get lost in hopes or dreams. Be direct.
Well luismtzzz gave you good advice. The only thing I would add is getting this sorted out with a therapist who is comfortable and knowledgable about helping people with complicated situations. I'm not even sure how to find the right kind of help, but I believe there are LGBT family groups that could be helpful. Im pretty sure confidentiality is a high priority in these circles. It's important not to be talked into or out of your own feelings. Life is too short. I'm no expert on orientations, but it's important to love and be loved, and to avoid regrets. Good luck.