My Affair with a famous man

Hi there,
I have been reading over posts about affairs for the last year nearly. I have being in my current relationship for 9 years and got married in March. I ended up last August having an affair with a famous married man who was my patient. I was his nurse and he was my patient. We ended up working together because I work also in videography and he is a TV presenter. He approached me although he is married with three kids and he DID know that I was engaged. He purseued me over and over again. We met a good few times and did everything except for sex. We also spent all the time online sharing pictures and videos. He is much older than me. I am in my 20s and he is in his 40s. He told me he loved me and I never wanted him to leave his family or wife for me, I just was attracted to him.He knew that. I do not want to change my situation. I love my husband but this is like an addiction. And it was exciting. Because I would see him on TV and he would be interacting with me during ad breaks etc, his profile is all over the place. He has freaked out on countless times, because I was getting married. He said I should not start out my marriage like he has done to his. But he had lead me along for so long, pretending that they had broken up. So even after I got married, and twice being caught, my husband caught photos and we nearly broke up, although my husband doesn't know who it was. But he does know who he is famously. He just didn't recognise him in his rage. He has retained his profile, family, blanked me and my marriage is in tatters from what had happened. He wants to be out of my life, and I accept it and then if I drink alcohol I find myself contacting him again. He has crept back into my life a million times, all of him contacting me. I am wrecked with stress and I want my life to go back to normal. But my head is killing me with the anguish as if he got to win. Not that it is a contest. I am younger, more attractive, I could have anyone but never cheated except with him. Today I walked to the tallest mountain in my area, walked back, listenting to music and cried my eyes out. I felt like he used me but he still claims to love me. But we are finished with contact and this time I feel it to be the last. We were both alone from our spouses the last week and he is crazy busy with work on the TV but said he was so sad after talking to his son. His son has been around forever, I am my own worst enemy. Two days from now my husband and I are returning to counselling, I am taking Cipramil 40mg as per my GP and go to my own counselling where I tell the whole truth but still I feel awful. I do not want him as my boyfriend, sexual partner or even want him to pay less attention to his wife. see him everyday on TV, radio and have to keep a straight face. FML!