why do i react this way?

Forums: Relationships, Dating
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i have a lot of self esteem and am a nice person and people around me randomly tell me very often that i'm a good person. my issue is that when i am interested in a guy i have a switch. for example, i met this guy about two weeks ago and from the very first date things were amazing, he was a perfect gentleman, we have had a second date since and he has not put me into any awkward situations, speaking sexually. we talk every single day and i'm not always the one initiating it, he texts me and calls me and sincerely wants to hear what i have to say and give his input. he called me today and we spoke for about 20 minutes and i had to get off and asked if it was ok if i called later, he said of course that he'd really like that. i called and no answer, then a text saying we would talk tomorrow. i asked why and he said he could not speak at the moment and asked if he could call me later to which i said fine. when something like this happens it feels to me like a bit of rejection and i go into "cold" mode. i tell myself that everything is ok but deep down i feel somehow betrayed and like i should not give this person my time anymore. i know this is not right and considering he is the kindest and sweetest guy i've met so far in my life i don't want to mess it up.

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@justme88,

I think that despite your sense that you have great self esteem, you have insecurity. People have lives, things going on, not everything is about you, and if you push for it to be, that can be deadening.

Maybe his last crush was even more needy and he doesn't like it. Or maybe he was actually busy.

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@justme88,

It could be quite rude of him to:
- be sorting out a family crisis, and then say 'hold on...I know you're angry, let me just take this call...
- at work, in a sales meeting and say 'can we put the meeting on hold, have to take this call

Alternatively, he could be doing something that has to go to a timetable or things get difficult

Or he could be doing something that requires both time & focus

Or...any number of things.

Why is it a problem to have a one off 'I can't talk right now, but I can I call you tomorrow'? Or even multiple such cases?

Generally speaking, such reactions usually stem from insecurities. In relation to self esteem, a lot of people don't realise that it can be situation specific:
- you can value your skills in a specific area, even while you can be down on yourself about skills in another area
- you can move assuredly through one area, while treading cautiously in another
+
...that's esteem to do with your skills. Then there is esteem to do with your principles, and esteem to do with your character. All of them make up 'who you are'.

Short version - even though you may have high self esteem, it seems that it is lower in this area.

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Are you really feeling rejection? - or are you impatient and needy?

Just because someone can't respond to you immediately, you take it personally.

I'd say you like the chase and as soon as the "prey" does not do what you want, when you want, you get bored or pissed off 'cause things aren't going your way.

Try being more mature and realize that other people's lives don't revolve around you.

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@justme88,

This is a the big problem of instant communication, the instant jump into conclusions.

Let everything happen naturally. I think everyone else expalined it quite well.

You see there is this strange thing that works equally for men and women. The more you chase for something to happen the less it actually does.

If you are sure you acted appropiately it is now his time to make a move. Just give time to the issue. Do not apply pressure. Distract yourself with other things. Let him be the gentleman. If he can´t see you are a nice girl, he does not deserves you. Cheer up!

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why do i react this way?

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