Right to privacy

Surely there are other ways to prove it without doing this.

Also, BTW, married couples do sometimes recover from affairs. But by doing this, you're basically nailing that coffin shut.

99.99% sure without any proof

seems like there's a bigger problem than a desire to snoop

trust seems to have disappeared at some point

good luck to all

There is another way:
- visit a site that details 'signs of cheating'; and
- see how many categories he ticks off; and
- show it to him, and explain to his 'this is why I'm fearful...and my trust is deteriorating, and I so want to have trust in our relationship back...please explain to me what is going on that is triggering all these warning signs?

Yes - couples can often recover from an affair. But first there has to be an open and honest discussion (truth comes before reconciliation). So the dilemma is that unless the husband admits to the affair it is impossible to start this process. By reading his text messages this forces the issue out into the open, but is this morally justified?

I see it as neither better nor worse than hiring a detective. Would you do that?

Using a percentage with 3 places of decimals gives a spurious air of scientific accuracy when what you really mean is "convinced".


Since it is very hard to prove a negative, the only 'proof' likely is of an affair, which may mean she has already made your mind up. If so, she should not demean herself by prying into his privacy, but just leave the guy, since the relationship is doomed anyhow.

Privacy of this nature (in a marriage) is a recent concept. So is the belief that looking at the text messages of your spouse/partner is demeaning. That by itself should say something.

...............................................

How by the way, does one look for evidence of an affair, when almost invariably - the person having an affair tries to hide it? Is it really possible to do so without breaching 'privacy'?

I would stand by what I said earlier (how to ask the question), but outside of that , in cases like this, I don't think it's reasonable to hold privacy 'principles' up as a protector of infidelity.

That said - there is often a price to pay if you are wrong.

After long consideration, I decided this was the best way forward. And it worked! My husband scored 95% on the "cheating spouse" checklist and when shown this, immediately confessed. This has enabled us to start dealing with the issue openly and without the need for me to go snooping on his emails, text messages etc. So a big thank you for this suggestion.

Glad to hear that