Football ("soccer") is a sign of U.S.A.’s moral decay

Anyway, I thought NASCAR and tractor pulls already had eaten away at the national fabric. Oops, almost forgot demolition Derby, professional wrestling and mud wrestling.

Further proof that soccer is a game for girls: Since my column came out, a guy from the Paraguay team (Uruguay? Who cares?) was caught biting an opponent in a match. Not punching. Not a cross-body block. BITING! How long can it be until we see hair-pulling in soccer?

I was in Paris the night Algeria played Russia, prompting hordes of drunken Algerians to riot on the Champs Elysees, hanging out of cars, yelling and honking all night. V-Day was not celebrated with as much enthusiasm.

This was for a game that ended in a tie. Yes, a TIE an exhilarating 1-1 final score. I don't speak Arabic, but I assume they were shouting something like, "WE TIED! WE TIED! WE TIED!"

So in a 100-minute game, something happened two times and nothing happened 98 times.

Catherine Thompson sniped in Talking Points Memo: "It's worth noting that aside from the Olympics, the World Cup is really the only occasion when an American audience gets a chance to cheer on a national — rather than a regional — sports team. But apparently that doesn't jibe with Coulter's vision of patriotism."

Aside from the Olympics? Yes, and aside from ABBA, Fiendens musik is the biggest Swedish rock band.

"I won't go so far as to say Iraq is becoming another Vietnam, and you know why? Because in Vietnam, George Bush had an exit strategy." -

And yet, somehow they keep finding more parts of America to hate. Last week, Newt Gingrich blasted New York elites who "live in high rises and ride the subway". I **** you not! Newt Gingrich called the subway elitist! Because that's the ultimate in hoity-toity travel, if you're able to smell pee while a vagrant presses his dick against your thigh. I mean, subway riders, they think they're so great, packed ass to crotch in a shrieking, creaking, lurching, airless underground tube! Pfft! Why don't they travel like real Americans, on a spaceship to the Moon?

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?

Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake — you know, to send the right message to kids.

It's very sad how in the information age you cannot get information into people's heads. As long as you write something on the internet and do not add LOL — it is true. "I'm not sure he's a Christian" — I'm not sure he's a mammal, Jay. He could be a werewolf.

The thing I don't understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who's supposed to pretend they don't want it?

You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery, but a little modesty about it might keep the heat off of us. I can't stand the people who say things like, "We built this country!" You built nothing. I think the railroads were pretty much up by 1980.

I would say that the feminine values are now the values of America; sensitivity is more important than truth; feelings are more important than facts; commitment is more important than individuality; children are more important than people; safety is more important than fun. I always hear women say, "Y'know, married men live longer." Uh, yes, and an indoor cat...also...lives longer. It's a fur-ball with a broken spirit that can only look out on a world it will never enjoy, but it does, technically, live longer.

I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt?

Rudy Giuliani's first wife was his cousin. Did you know this? I think that's a very cheap way to go after the Southern vote.

It's so childish, "greatest country in the world." It's like saying, "I have the greatest wife in the world. Not just the one best suited for me, the greatest wife in the world. And if you could have my wife, you'd kill your wife."

What is with this campy fixation on all things Ronald Reagan? They talk about him the way gay people talk about Barbra Streisand. I think they want him on a stamp so they can lick his ass. I think they wanted to name airports after him so they can say, "I'm coming into Reagan!"

Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?

1 out of 4 Americans believes Jesus will return in their lifetime. See, that's religion: ego masquerading as humility. "Jesus is coming back! Of course he's gonna wanna meet me! ...Hi, Jesus, Bob Flemstein, big fan! I know you're crazy busy with the rapture and everything, but...could you sign? I don't wanna be that guy, but..."

You know what they cannot keep on the shelves in America? Guns, and ammo. Even though Obama and every other pussy Democrat has never even mentioned the issue, these people are so sure that he and his Negro army are coming for their guns, they're gonna confiscate your guns, and indoctrinate your children, and socialize your wealth, and then they're gonna replace apple pie with chicken and waffles. And then he's gonna appoint a Cabinet of Shaft, Foxy Brown, Dolemite, Mandingo, Superfly, Cleopatra Jones, and Blacula.

I kid the Republicans, with love. I feel bad for them. They got nobody for next time. Who are they gonna run? Sara Palin, reading off her hand. Did you see that? You saw this? She wrote "tax cuts" on her hand. A Republican so stupid she has to be reminded of the one thing– Tax cuts! This is like if you saw the coyote's paw and it said "Road Runner".

It's so interesting to watch it – every Republican debate – Mitt Romney deny Romneycare. Deny the one great thing he did in his life. But when he's on the stage with those other Republicans in front of a Republican audience: "How dare you?! How dare you accuse me of helping people!? I am as much of a cold-hearted bastard as any of the pricks on this stage!"

When South Park got threatened last week by Islamists incensed at their depiction of Muhammad, it served or should as a reminder to all of us that our culture isn't just different from one that makes death threats to cartoonists: it's better. Because when I make a joke about the Pope, he doesn't send one of his Swiss guards in their striped pantaloons to stick a pike in my ass. When I make a Jewish joke, Rabbis may kvetch about it but they don't pull out a scimitar and threaten an adult circumcision. And when I insult Scientology the worst that happens is-[The lights in the studio go out.]

glitterbag wrote:

Anyway, I thought NASCAR and tractor pulls already had eaten away at the national fabric. Oops, almost forgot demolition Derby, professional wrestling and mud wrestling.

And you wonder how people can be insulted by the things you post.

NASCAR has some 75 million fans, is broadcast to 150 different countries and has an increasing number of foreign drivers. No threat to soccer as the world's most popular sport, of course, but hardly on the level of the other pastimes you referenced. I'm not among the 75 million (too boring), but I have friends and relatives who are, and you would be amazed over how many teeth they have in their heads, and how far beyond the 5th grade they managed to progress in their education. Some of them actually have jobs!

The following is an excellent response to the stereotyping of NASCAR fans; written by a individual with whom I think you will find you have more in common than you might expect (With the exception of an appreciation for stock car racing of course).

ESPN: NASCAR Fans Must Be Rednecks?

Coulter and Maher get paid to say disparaging things about individuals and groups and people either like them or don't, but I doubt either of them would be surprised if someone was insulted by the things they say.

her face is attractive