Should I cut my losses?

I would say it's time to move on. If he hasn't changed by now, he probably never will.

If you don't end it now, thirty years down the road you're going to be sitting in your rocking chair, reflecting back on your life, and wondering why you didn't do the right thing years ago.

Good luck

Take the money and accept that he is not a good man. You cannot change him. This idea that a woman can change a man is an emotional trap. Don't get sucked in. Thank god you have custody of the daughter.

Yes I have made that VERY clear he will never have custody of our daughter!

Good. Now it is indeed time to just cut your losses and be rid of this toxic man, except for the money.

Yes, it's cold, but it's what he deserves.

Im scared that I might be making a mistake, thats why I am hesitant. But for the first time I finally feel ready.

It's great that you feel ready to let go. Believe me, you are not making a mistake. Your heart has already told you what to do. Do you really want a drunken, cheating, lying bastard in your life? I'm just going on what you have posted here.

No I dont, and that what I have. Im really disappointed and sad, I expected more from him. Im ashamed that I let this go on for so long

Well, then the only thing to do is to move on, and be grateful that you have your daughter. Take joy in that, and 'cut your losses'.

I'm a little confused on what "losses" remain to be cut. You've already been divorced for over 2 years now. What do you expect to remain at this point?

Ya I think thats best, thanks for the little push

The loss would be: no relationship at all
He probably wont give me $$ anymore
HE probably wont see my daughter much
We have some sort of realtionship, that would end
The divorce was a mere formality on my part

I just wanted to extend sympathy. It's just a sad story.

Hmmm.. I guess I can understand all of that but.. on the flip side you can devote your time and energy into developing a healthy relationship with someone else (or yourself even if that's needed) - something I suspect you haven't been working on.

Good luck to you!

Yes, I agree with Gus. It IS time, if you can manage it, Christina. What you see is what you get with him, unfortunately. <sigh> You deserve better that just putting your own life on hold indefinitely, waiting & hoping that he will grow up one day. He might never grow up. Sad, isn't it?

You should live on your own life. Take care for your daughter, children are such a great joy. Good luck!

It is not unusual for people to be reticent in making the final step in severing a relationship. After all, no relationship is ALL bad. You had a child with this man, and you two have history together.



This quote says it all. You were very wise to give this man the heave-ho. A person like that is nothing but TROUBLE, and that kind of trouble never stops.


I don't understand something. You have had a daughter together. He will be in your life in terms of what is best for the child. The difference is, he will be out of YOUR PERSONAL LIFE.

There are many couples who have this situation. I was divorced, many years ago, with a small child. I had nothing to do with my ex personally, but we did have our son in common, so any relationship that we did have was around him.

If you are worried about the monetary support, you can always take him to court.

Something struck me. Are you still sleeping with him?

If you are legally divorced, he is still obligated to pay you support. It is sad that this does often become problematic, but you do have the system at your advantage. Phoenix raised an interesting question, you are not still involved with him sexually are you?

No great loss, right? I'm with Phoenix, I get the feeling you're not telling us something here.




Not true. You have a child support order and possibly also an order for separate maintenance (alimony). If he stops paying, you go back to family court and have the judge make him pay. Most likely, if this guy is as irresponsible as you are indicating, the judge will require his paycheck to be garnished. What that means is that your support would be a payroll deduction (like taxes), and it would be deposited directly into your account.

Do not hesitate to exercise your legal rights in this matter. Your daughter's circumstances (whether you'll be able to afford food, clothes, books, medicines, etc. for her) depend upon this. It may be the difference between keeping a roof over your heads, or not. Don't worry about what he thinks if you haul him back to court in order to get him to pay. What his comfort level is is not really relevant when it comes to making sure your daughter has enough to eat. The judge will make sure that he (your ex) doesn't starve, either.



His loss. And, unfortunately, your daughter's, too, so you'll need to be extra-attentive. But he's a big boy. If he wants a relationship with your daughter (his daughter, too), he'll seek her out and, when your daughter is older, she may want to do the same. Make her available and don't badmouth him in front of her. Every child needs to feel that both of their parents are good people, because that relates directly to the child's sense of self-worth. If he comes around, great. If he doesn't, your daughter will know that you did not stand in the way and that the lack of a relationship between her and him is due to your ex-husband's foolishness, rather than any sort of animosity on your part.



So? You say you're in your mid-twenties. Think it's going to get any easier to meet men when you're in your thirties? Forties? Fifties? You need not plunge yourself into another relationship but if being with him is keeping you from seeking out someone who will treat you and your daughter with the kindness, respect and affection that you deserve, well, you're an adult. Isn't the choice an obvious one?



I don't understand this part, although my guess is that you and he were not living together at the time. If that's the case, it's still an important formality to have gone through. After all, that's why you have a child support agreement, and that frees you if you meet someone else.

Best of luck to you and your daughter.