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Mon 9 Jun, 2014 05:55 am
I am not proud of this..infact so ashamed not shared with another soul...five years ago I started an affair with a co-worker, a divorcee, confessed his feelings he had for me...a married woman of ten years...to be fair to him he never expected reciprocity. We worked closely and had lot of regard and respect for each other humanly and professionally.we were drawn closely and I feel more deeply in love. My marriage had been dead pretty much before I'd even met him but being with him made me realize what companionship and the real thing meant. He too claimed he loved me and it was understood that we'd be together when the right moment came, causing as little lateral damage as possible. My husband lived in his own world, communication between us was almost nil and living in separate cities we met rarely. We'd stopped having sex too. I never had sex with my partner, went on dates or did anything lover-like. There was a lot of chatting, sharing through conversations at work and texts. The physical thing was not important and we thought it would happen when it did. I must also say that he brought out a lot of work pressure on me, sometimes causing me great grief and misusing his superior position. Six months ago he relocated and I was supposed to join him in his new work place. I too gave up my current post and was to join him there. I was to get a divorce which would not come as any surprise to my husband. We kept in touch by phone, I visited his new workplace and my job was almost fixed. My husband was quite keen that I should go as I was getting a better deal. Then one day out of the blue my affair partner broke all contact. No calls, texts mails and no response to those sent by me. That was four months ago. Now I know his game. Had no intention of realizing the future he claimed he wanted but I am humiliated, angry, jobless, living in limbo in a dead marriage. Don't tell me what I did was wrong. I know that... Not an hour passes without remorse and guilt. Going crazy with regret, he's moved on and flaunting his new connections...while I'm filled with self loathing and bitterness. Just sharing...can't do it with anyone in person.
I must add that the guilt I feel is not for cheating...sick as it may sound but for losing my job, independence and for letting myself get used abused and discarded
@Sum1sad,
You need counseling. You need to speak with an impartial listener about what happened. And about what you think should happen next in your life.
I wonder whether Dr. Laura is still around. She is truly amazing. She can analyze a situation and make a decent recommendation in about 23 seconds.
@Sum1sad,
Quote:Had no intention of realizing the future he claimed he wanted but I am humiliated, angry, jobless, living in limbo in a dead marriage
You were already living in a "dead" marriage. Divorce would not be a shock to your husband, you do not feel regret for anything that you did, rather, for losing your job.
We have no idea why this man decided not to continue. We have no idea why your husband doesn't feel loved. I doubt you do either.
If you were and still are living in a dead marriage get out of it, get a new fresh job. Then the guys you will meet will meet a "separated" woman, not a married one and who knows you might enjoy your new position as well.
Whilst you don't feel guilty, if you don't love your husband, let him live his life and find someone that will.
@Advocate,
Am new here...how can I get Dr.Laura to help me???
@Sum1sad,
Here you go. All you need to know about Dr. Laura. Advocate was making a comical comment and while the comment was accurate, it was not meant to be acted upon. I don't think. Of course, if she does still have a radio show, you might consider a call.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura_Schlessinger