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How do I deal with the quiet moments?

 
 
Reply Sun 8 Jun, 2014 08:52 pm
My boyfriend of a year and half and I just broke up. It was painfully mutual. He was my first "true love" and I care for him more deeply than anyone that came before him. There had been things going on that neither of liked and, even though we talked about it, it never got better. After a long talk we both agreed that it would be best if we split. It pained us both, but I know it is for the best. We decided to remain friends. Neither of us want the other person out of their life. We were great as friends, but the pressures of a relationship (among other things) drove us apart.

I have cried on and off all weekend and I know that he has been hurting. Today, three days after the break up, we saw each other at a friend's house. Nothing happened. There were no tears, no "what if" conversations. It was like nothing had happened, which is good and bad. Good because we are in a place that isn't dark, but bad because he was distant towards me when others were around.

My question to all of you who have gone through this is, how do I deal with the quiet moments? I was fine for most of the weekend. My friends cheered me up and I was kept busy. But it's when I'm by myself that it all sinks in. I think that I'm never going to kiss him again. There will be no more soft touches. No more nights sleeping next to each other on a mattress that is too small for two people. And when I think this way...I break.

I know that I'm going to hurt for a while. I accept that. But I also know I will heal. That there is someone out there for both of us and that we will be truly happy one day. But until then I need help. I need these quiet moments to not hurt so much.
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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 1,290 • Replies: 6
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jun, 2014 09:58 pm
Just deal. Do you always need company to figure out what to do? Are you no one yourself?
Aperture
 
  0  
Reply Sun 8 Jun, 2014 10:20 pm
@ossobuco,
You misunderstand. What I mean by quiet moments I mean when I'm in the shower or before bed. The times of day when all you do is think. I don't need my friends to pull me through. There were things we scheduled to do this weekend that I wasn't going to step away from just because of a breakup. I allow myself to cry and feel lost. It's just those few moments that I don't know what to do.
Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jun, 2014 10:25 pm
@Aperture,
Make use of family and friends. Ask them to help keep you busy.

Catch up on things you had no time for while spending your time with your ex.

Make plans, call people and make dates for lunch, shopping, museums, etc. Don't allow yourself to sit at home wallowing.

When you find yourself at home in the quiet times, find something to learn about yourself and what went wrong in the transition from friends to lovers.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jun, 2014 10:28 pm
@Aperture,
Please, learn to live with this kind of pain, you are the many billionth now going through this.
I want to say, you poor thing, from an old comedy show.

You want us to fix it with some words?
You don't know what to do?
Eat some watermelon, listen to a song, write a comedy sketch. Live, and live joyfully.
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Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jun, 2014 10:30 pm
@Aperture,
Why do you need to know what to do? Just allow yourself to be present in the moment, feeling the emotions. If you need to, set a time limit for the indulgence. In the shower, give yourself 5 minutes to grieve the relationship. When you dry off your body, dry off the tears and move on with your day.

Before bed, make use of a journal to express the angst so you can get it out and free your mind for sleep. Again, give yourself a time limit for the indulgence. Write for 30 minutes, then put it down, shut off the lights and other distractions and go to sleep.
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Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jun, 2014 10:54 pm
@Aperture,
Here is an idea... Print out a few copies of what you wrote four days ago. Tape one to your bathroom mirror, keep one by your bed and anywhere else that you need help coping with the quiet moments.

Here is a link to it.

http://able2know.org/topic/246439-1#post-5682530


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