Is my mom verbally abusive?

Well, here's the deal. Is she verbally abusive? The answer is - maybe. Just being yelled at isn't usually enough information to be dispositive. Because the opposite is true - if she were speaking to you in a calm and clear voice, quietly, even whispering, if she referred to you as a no-good whore, that would be abuse.

Do you see what I mean?

I'm a lot more concerned about the physical aspect of things. Are you being slapped by her? When did that last happen? You need not, specifically, tell anyone that here, but if it was fairly recently (as in, within the last year or two), then I'd say, speak up and tell someone.

Same thing with verbal abuse. If you are being called nasty names, told you're no good, etc., then the volume doesn't matter, and you should tell someone.

It likely to be helpful to both your mother and you to get another adult involved with one warning at this stage I would picked a family member like a grandparent or an aunt and not someone who is a mandated reporter such as a teacher.

Getting the state involve in family matters should be a last resort and once involved you and your mother might never be able to removed them.

Are other family members noticing your mother's short temper and explosiveness? - or is it just with you?

She could be depressed, tired, PMS, the Change - who knows?

But a trusted relative might be able to talk to her about this.

You know, I'm just going to play devils advocate here for a minute, so don't kill the messenger.

I don't think the OP is exaggerating at all when she says her mom yells at her at least twice a day.
13 year olds are at an age (this much I do know, I had to deal with it) where refraining from "yelling" at them twice a day would be a miracle.

i.e. this hair conditioner story. The OP doesn't say if in the end it was discovered it actually was in the bathroom. Was it there, and for the upteenth time a 13 year old is saying they can't find something when it's right there. That can be crazy making.

How do you know that she would have slapped you in the face if you hadn't gone to your room? From what I read, there haven't been anything physical since spankings when she was little.

She gets angry at you for the stupidest reasons? Maybe it's because you're doing stupid things and she's at the end of her tether.

Of course her face changes when she gets angry. Everyone's face does.

If you're scared and depressed, imagine how she must feel. You don't trust her? Maybe she doesn't trust you.

She raised you well up to this point. Could it be that you're at a stage where you're being scatterbrained, selfish and driving her nuts?

Just a thought.

I am 13 and unsure what to do. 13, eh?