whos right

What is it you wish help with?

i dont have a clue how this forum works but i just want opinions

My opinion is that you've spent most of your relationship time in a web of lies. She is right to question how trustworthy you will be going forward from here.

You have a lot of work to do to demonstrate your trustworthiness so you can earn her trust. Spend your energy doing that and forget about gathering opinions about your behavior. You already know you were wrong to do it.

Reading this again, perhaps you haven't explained clearly enough.


Are you saying you lied about losing your virginity, but in truth you are still a virgin and had to tell her you lied and you are still a virgin?

If that is the case, I have to question why she thinks this means you might cheat on her in the future.

Also, when you say you lied about smoking weed, does this mean you do smoke it but lied to keep her from doing it too?

If so, again, I don't understand where her distrust comes from unless you do smoke it. In that case, you would be a liar, but I'm not sure where her angst about you cheating in the future comes from.


Is there more to this that you haven't told us?

yeah i lost my virginity with her and the other lie was to protect her from drugs... if you had and you smoked weed and it was illegal would you tell your child that you do drugs? thats why i think that the second lie was a good lie because i dont want her to start smoking

Well i think there are multiple areas to cover on your problem. First, the lies. Lying on the beginig of your relation is not something good even if it´s some thing that seems trivial to you. I´ve done someting similar with my first gf. She was the first i had, but i was her 4th. I wanted her to think of me of someone more experienced and mature, that was the first inmature decision i made. Months later i had to confess. Obviously she got mad. But she didn´t care. I didn´t inmediately learned the lesson so i made similar errors with diffenret degrees of outcomes. What i learned was this:

Tolerance to lies is really variable. What you think is offensive can be something really mild to another person.
That tolerance has a limit where it can brake if you continue.
Trust is a decision made by our partner it´s something we can´t take for granted.
Women will NEVER forget, even the most stupid lie.

So if she decides that your error is enough for her theres nothing you can do about it. This decision is usually in my experience taken really fast. If she takes her time maybe she is conisdering to let past your mistake, altough she will forgive but not forget.

On the situation about the weed. Even though i am against it, i am of the belif that that is a personal decision and we cannot intervene on the freedom of another person. We can advise or guide our loved ones but we cannot size control. So if she wants to try weed she will. No matter if you did it on the past or not. Thats completelly out of your power. I understand by your post that you seem to be ashamed. Use that experience to grow and to guide. But in the end is her choice.

Now my advise. If she is valuable to you then you must commit. If she decides to forgive you, you must be completelly commited to honesty. It´s not easy, i failed on that myself so i know it´s hard. Open yourself for her questions, let her know you are reliable, be direct, do what you promise. Your actions are more valuable than anything you can say.

Be honest, tell her the truth and why you did that. Promise you won't do that again.