Should I forget about him?

Not necessarily.

But I think you're right to put the brakes on things. You've got doubts and you feel hurt. His assurances didn't seem to be enough, and now he's balked.

You were together for a long time, but also during a developmental phase in most people's lives. That is, you were transitioning from teenagers (never mind your actual years - many people in their early 20s are a lot like teens in their behavior and outlook) to actual adults.

My advice to you. If you don't already have your own apartment, get one. And move in alone, or with a platonic roommate if the rent is too high. I firmly believe that most people really, really need to live on their own, at some point in their lives, even if it's for only a few months. When you're the person who is solely responsible for rent, bills, the emptiness of the laundry basket and the fullness of the refrigerator, it matures you in a way that a lot of other experiences just don't.

And take some time to reassess, and see how you feel. Maybe he has changed his mind and will go charging to this other girl (I hesitate to call her a woman at her age). Maybe he won't. In the meantime, don't hang around. You are under zero obligation to wait (and understand that what is good for the goose is good for the gander - he doesn't have to wait around, either). Experience life, with or without other men. Have fun, sow some wild oats and use condoms if you have sex while sowing said wild oats.

See how you feel, if you miss him, or if someone else tickles your fancy, or if you just want to continue with the single life.

Vicky, you have to move on. He is untrustworthy and I question his real intentions after 8 1/2 years. Be polite to him but strong in your convictions. Do yourself a great favor and do not dwell on the past. Negative baggage will hold you back. Learn from your decisions and patterns and break the negative patterns. Maybe take a break from relationships and get some counseling to deal with any risidual issues. Persue a dream you may have had that was set aside because of past "anchors". Now it's your time to live for you. When you are light in spirit and heart...and truly display positive vibes, people will be attracted to you. You are beautiful and deserve love, affection and most of all respect.

Why were you snooping in his email?

Maybe that was all it was. You should hear the banter that goes on in my office. Thankfully, my wife knows me and trusts me and is not concerned by it. (Of course, I tell her about much of it anyway.)

You sent him two opposing messages. I forgive you but I'm not moving back.

Can you blame him? You forgave him and yet two weeks go by and you still have not come home? Did you want him to wait forever? He decided that based on your actions, the relationship was over. So he wanted a clean break. I can't say I blame him.

Because you moved out and were in now hurry to come back even after forgiving him. And if he is 33 and she is 22, then it is 11 years younger not 8. And right now she is giving him attention and appeasing his ego while you moved out.

I don't see where you have any choice. Of course, you could sit around all day pining away for him and making yourself miserable, but what good is that?

Seems to me there were trust issues going on, otherwise you would not have been snooping in his email. I'm not saying that his flirting would not have led to anything else, but he gave you an explanation that you must have accepted since you forgave him, yet your actions showed him you had not forgiven him. Would he have cheated on you? Who knows. Maybe you are better off with this coming to a head now as opposed to later when you have joint assets to worry about. Let him go and move on.

Sorry for your heartbreak. You clearly respect yourself, whether or not he does. Forgive me for the cliché, it hurts a lot at the moment, but frankly, you'll be better off in the long run. don't forget what was good, but forget about having that special relationship with him. Apparently, he doesn't know how to honor and value what you had.

Lying in this area is indication of a weak character. No matter whether there was physical contact or not, it's STILL cheating. Who knows when it would've gotten physical, sooner or later it would one day.

You need to find someone else with a strong character and a strong commitment. One day you'll find that. He wanted to act single, let him BE single. You were abused by his behavior, which earned him the title EX.

Be strong and eventually you'll heal from this.

Thank you for your advice but I wasn't snooping as we were living together we shared his email when getting things delivered. I brought him a valentines present and wanted to delete the email before he saw it and that's when I found it. I trusted him. I had no reason not to up until that point and my reasons for not moving back straight away was to take it slow. I forgave him cos I loved him but I was still hurting.

You were still hurting, but why? Or am I missing something? He gave you an explanation that it was playful banter and you forgave him. Then you move out because you needed some time? At that point, nothing had happened between them. The emails may have been inappropriate, but if you believed his explanation then you two could have just talked about why you were hurt by seeing them. But at that point, your fiance was physically faithful to you (although granted that his thoughts may have been straying a bit.) And yet you moved out to give yourself some time, for what? To decide if you wanted to continue the relationship? Well, looks like he has now decided that for you.

Don't get me wrong, he certainly had a hand in causing the two of you to part ways. But if every woman living with someone moved out simply because she found her partner was flirting with someone else, there would be a lot of women living their entire lives alone. I get it. You were hurt that he would flirt with this other woman. BUT YOU FORGAVE HIM. Do you understand what that means? And then you moved out for an undefinable period of time? That is not forgiveness. That was you having to leave to think about how to react to his actions. There was no forgiveness on your part, otherwise why would you have to move out?

I wish you the best of luck. Just keep in mind that there has to be a level of trust in a relationship and based on your actions after getting what may have been a perfectly truthful explanation, you just did not trust him. And you may have had a good reason for not doing so.

**I know everything I have written may sound like I am defending him and blaming you. That is not the case. But I do think that a conversation with him about how the emails hurt you should have been enough without you having to move out. Assuming he truly was sorry for letting the flirting get to the point it did. It just seems as though you didn't give things a chance once he apologized. Am I making sense? I hope so.**

I think you have alot of good advice on here - you need to determine yourself if you still want to see him and him still see you. I like jespah suggestion of living away from each, but still dating in a sense. And coastal rat on the forgiving side. I think you need to develop trust among the two of you again.

And one huge thing of advice --- never buy a house with someone unless you are married! It ends up being very messy if you split. I wouldn't even suggest it if you are engaged after knowing a couple that did this while they were engaged and they ended up not getting married - the whole house situation was a true disaster.