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Marriage is it a temporary state?

 
 
au1929
 
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2002 11:35 am
Divorce when I was growing up was talked about in whispers. It was the exception not the rule. In fact I never knew anyone who had been divorced.
Today however that seems to have become very popular.
Marriage has been reduced, it would seem, to a temporary state.
That is for those even bothering to get married. Any opinions why?
What has changed the attitudes towards marriage and the concept of
for better or worse. Sad
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,903 • Replies: 19
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steissd
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2002 11:47 am
This is the result of the increased well-being of the people in the developed countries. It is possible now to survive alone, not in the family framework, so people consider divorcing under conditions that would not lead to destruction of family in the past.
It also depends on tradition that is based on religion. For example, Judaism and Islam always recognized people's right for divorce (in Islam it could be initiated only by the husband, while Judaism permitted to women to claim divorce certificate from the spouse under certain conditions as well). And the Roman Catholic Church opposes divorce up to date.
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au1929
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2002 11:56 am
Yes Judaism always allowed divorce, however it was a sometimes thing. And as I said spoke about in whispers if at all.
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au1929
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2002 12:00 pm
I should note that I have many friends of the Catholic faith and it is amazing how many of them have children who are divorced. Religion is no obstacle.
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steissd
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2002 12:20 pm
I want to repeat the first part of my response: it is possible now to survive alone, so people can consider divorce under circumstances that did not justify this 50-60 years ago.
This has positive sides as well: people no more oblige themselves to stay with abusive (physically or psychologically) spouses, they may correct erroneous decisions made previously (I mean marrying a wrong person), so they can realize their right for pursuit for happiness on individual level.
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chatoyant
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2002 02:23 pm
I can also remember when I knew of hardly any divorced people. There was a time when one had to have grounds for a divorce, go to a court hearing, etc. Now, as long as both parties agree on all facets of the divorce, they can do it themselves, which makes it easier and less expensive.

I think women entering the work force in great numbers also contributed to the high divorce numbers. As steissd said, people can survive on their own now. Religion isn't as much a factor any more, at least to the younger generations.

When I got married, I intended to stay married forever, but the relationship became abusive to the point that I was in fear for my life. Divorce is a very sad and hurtful thing for all involved, but sometimes it becomes necessary. I admire those who stay together through thick and thin. As long as there is no serious abuse, I think most couples eventually find contentment in staying together. I wish I could have been one of them.
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fbaezer
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2002 02:41 pm
Wait wait wait.

Divorce is almost as popular in underdeveloped Catholic countries. We may have started later, but we're catching up.

When my oldest son joined his soccer team, at age 12, only three of the 20 children were the offspring of both parent's first and only marriage. By the time he left the team -at age 18- the three couples had divorced.

I think the reason is simple. Divorce is not a social taboo any more. Even conservative Catholic mothers who never thought of leaving their marriage are willing to understand their children's reasons and feelings.
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au1929
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2002 04:36 pm
I would imagine things would be a lot easier under the present circumstances and climate if the rules of marriage were changed.
Perhaps marriage should be for period of time and renewable every say 5 years. If you don't pick up the option you are automatically divorced. Imagine the money spent on Lawyers that could be saved.
Unfortunately it's the children from these broken homes that suffer the most.
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steissd
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2002 04:44 pm
Well, this is an interesting idea, and it may work. But I am afraid, His Holiness the Pope would not be so much fascinated with it... And he has influence on more than half a billion people worldwide.
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au1929
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2002 05:08 pm
From what I have seen in the area of divorce and birth control I would say his influence at least in the developed countries is minimal.
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Lash Goth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2002 05:40 pm
I think we have become an 'immediate gratification' country, with individual pleasure winning over committment.
Marriage is a solemn vow, or promise that no one takes seriously anymore.
Working out problems like adultery or alcoholism are extremely difficult and painful. Divorce is so much easier.

Love is a decision, not an emotion. I think alot of people jettison their mate when the feeling of love is gone, and a problem crops up.

From personal experience, I'd like to report that if you can ever get on the other side of a marriage horror like adultery or alcoholism, the relationship you can achieve after that is worth all the heartache and effort.
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bandylu2
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2002 11:22 pm
I tend to agree with Lash. But in addition to the instant gratification, we also now use everything for a while and then throw it out and get a new one (tv's come to mind -- haven't seen a tv repair shop around for years). It's lots easier that way. And now it's easier (and perfectly acceptable) to throw away the spouse when things aren't working right.
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msolga
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2002 11:33 pm
Lash

Yes, but only if there's a strong commitment from both partners. Too often you see one doing the hard slog to keep things to gether.
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mikey
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2002 11:34 pm
i think temporary, no one takes a commitment serious anymore.

infidelity is sancrosant tho. jaded opinion? maybe. i doubt it tho.
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Lash Goth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2002 11:41 pm
Can't argue with that, msolga. I almost hesitated to write such a generalization, because you can't know what some mates endure.


Many times it is one partner who carries the burden, hoping the other will wake up.

Sometimes they do; sometimes the don't.
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msolga
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Dec, 2002 11:47 pm
Imbalance of power ... & maybe one partner has invested more in the relationship, so is more committed to it succeeding. They are generally the ones who get the raw deal, unfortunately.
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maxsdadeo
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Dec, 2002 12:08 am
I think that it is selfishness.
The instant gratification and the "no-fault" divorce laws have left it easier to jettison a mate (and kids) than tough it out and make it work.

The children of these selfish bastids are the ones that suffer.

It is truly a tragedy.
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msolga
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Dec, 2002 12:11 am
M.D.

Yes, it's sad that they had children at all, till they were certain of their commitment. Very sad indeed for the children. <sigh ..)
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au1929
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Dec, 2002 09:20 am
Marriage is a partnership in which there has to be give and take by each. The problem with this society is that it has become all take.
Considering the attitudes of today's society I doubt that I would have made it through my first year of marriage.
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dlk33
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Dec, 2002 09:47 pm
The majority attitude of society is exactly why I find it so gratifying to be in the minority when it comes to topic of marriage.
I don't want to be a statistic.
I want to show my children that love, commitment, hard work, and compromise have positive rewards.
I'm afraid there are too many couples out there who give up too easily, are too selfish, and believe too much in a throw away society.
The other side is that during marriage, both partners change throughout the years, they grow within, and sometimes those changes cause them to realize that the partner they married however many years ago, isn't the person they want to be with today. When that becomes a reality, there are only a few options, work it out, hope in time to fall back in love, compromise, or get a divorce.
I guess the easiest way for most is the divorce route, so they take it.
I myself prefer a challenge, especially one that makes me feel good about not giving up.
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