Reply
Sat 1 May, 2004 06:59 pm
I met a guy about three months ago, seems great but has me totally confused.
He calls at least once a day and we both have been on our own for over 10 years. I have dated very little and he has had two other relationships that have lasted approximatley three years each. I have asked why they ended and each seemed to have a valid reason.
He flashes hot and cold with me. He will be very attentive and then the next thing I know will be very cool towards me. He sometimes will point out my flaws, or make comments as to thats what's wrong with me. I have never proclaimed to be perfect and I know that I have plenty of faults, but I feel that I am polite enough not to be rude and point out what I may deem as his.
I have a big event that is a major milestone for me and he asked if he could come. We have never met each others friends or family; (I have been to his house on several occasions and his father lives next door) I explained that my family would be there and we would be having a celebratory dinner afterwards. He was all up for it, so I sent him an invitation.
Since this time, has become very cool with me and has slowed down calling. We will go a week to ten days without seeing each other then he seems to want me with him whenever he can get me to fit it into my schedule. I really like this guy and need to know if I should cut it off now before he meets my family or just wait him out.
He goes to church three times a week, participates as song leader, works a funky schedule, and seems a cross between very shy and then very direct to me about what he wants.
I haven't dated enough in my life to know what is going on with him. I am very confused. I need advice from somebody who has been there! Help!
Quote:I He flashes hot and cold with me. He will be very attentive and then the next thing I know will be very cool towards me. He sometimes will point out my flaws, or make comments as to thats what's wrong with me. I have never proclaimed to be perfect and I know that I have plenty of faults, but I feel that am polite enough not to be rude and point out what I may deem as his.
Boy does this sound familiar to me. I call it passive aggressive and have had two relationships with this kind of person. It never works for me as that is one bad personality trait. If it is showing up now in my opinion it only gets worse.
Ask him about his mother and family my belief is that this kind of behavior is the result of anger at someone or something. And no matter how much love is present this behavior gets in the way of an intimate relationship unless you just want to accept being hurt and controlled by this person.
Ditto Phoenix on the cut and run statement.
Get real.
Get over it!
Break up.
I agree with ladies. Thinking that maybe you are doing some things that are not nice or on some level annoy him may be unpleasant, but if he says it in very polite and friendly way (as well as you can say those things to him) is one thing, but being with someone for three months and getting straight comments like "that's what's wrong with you" is another.
I will not tell you "leave him", because we don't and can't know him as much as you do, and some actions can be interpreted in many ways. However, I would advice you to be very cautious with it, and to try to set things straight - not tommorow, TODAY. He may understand his faults and try to change. If not, as Phoenix said: run.
It is classic passive aggresive behaviour as Joanne stated. Unless he recognizes he has a problem, and deals with it, the relationship is doomed.
Obviously he devotes much more time thinking about himself than he spends on you.
Is this what you want in a long-term relationship?
Thanks everybody for the info. As I said I have not dated in very long time and this is all very new to me. You have pretty much summed up what I had been thinking, but, being new to this I thought maybe getting a second opinion that was from the outside might help.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace