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I feel left out because my BFF has a boyfriend.

 
 
Reply Thu 3 Apr, 2014 03:33 pm
I know this is a very common subject but here is my story...
So I have this best friend like very close BFF that recently seems to have a boyfriend. They don't go out together yet but eventually they will because my friend told me she does feel something to him and he's always talking to her, flirting with her .. so they are ONE DAY. Everyone around us knows that there is something going on between the two of them.

As I've watched all sorts of movies/tv shows, I know what will happen next. I know that she will be spending more and more time with him from now on and like, they are not even dating now and I always see her with him whenever I wanna go talk to her. Lately our discussions have been all about her "future boyfriend", she tells me what he likes and all sort of things like that.

I feel left out and I don't wanna lose her. She is like the person I am most close after my family , we share secrets and all.. I'm someone very shy but I try my best to make new friends. But I know no one is gonna replace her. We've be besties for 5 years and never had I such a close friend. Our tastes are similar, everything.. she is just like my twin sister from another mister.

Now I am clueless. Should I give her more space? But then she'll tell me why I spend less time with her and won't understand me (i know her very well and i know that will be her answer) I really don't know what to do know.

Please help me! Should I meet new friends and try harder to find close friends like her ? Should I just give up ?

Ps: we are having prom this year and it's our senior year so he'll probably invite her to be his prom date. So that means we won't go to prom together anymore (we decided that we will go to prom together since we had no boyfriend and just going together between besties)
and if they ever go out together, it is gonna be her first boyfriend.
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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 1,410 • Replies: 18
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 3 Apr, 2014 03:45 pm
It's nice to have a BFF - but your story is a typical one. Friends will come and go but you will always be special to each other.

So RIGHT NOW, make yourself a promise to find more friends.

Ps - nothing, really, has happened yet, so try to relax.
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Thu 3 Apr, 2014 04:26 pm
Oh to be fourteen again. Must be spring.
thisisyiyi
 
  1  
Reply Thu 3 Apr, 2014 08:26 pm
@PUNKEY,
yeah thankyou for your advices
I am trying to not freak out since nothing has been confirmed or anything but it's just I wanna be prepared for the worst and I don't wanna end up suddenly with no close friends and all but should I just give her more space and go find new friends?
0 Replies
 
thisisyiyi
 
  2  
Reply Thu 3 Apr, 2014 08:31 pm
@bobsal u1553115,
actually it is not like grade 7-8 relationships we're much older than that so if they do go out together it's gonna be serious. That's why I am afraid to lose her ..because I have another friend's friend she got a boyfriend and now the two of them still talk but much less than they used to be that's why I don't wanna end up being a "stranger" with my best friend I wanna keep being BFF with her even after we graduate and all
contrex
 
  2  
Reply Fri 4 Apr, 2014 04:49 am
@thisisyiyi,
thisisyiyi wrote:
I don't wanna end up being a "stranger" with my best friend I wanna keep being BFF with her even after we graduate and all

As you grow up you may hopefully learn:

1. That these things cannot be forced to happen the way we want them.
2. They will happen how they will.
3. That it is better that way.

All you can do is continue to be the good friend to your BFF that you are now. If you start being controlling, needy, clinging, whiny, etc, you may drive her away. Of course you may also get a boyfriend of your own, unless there is something you aren't sharing that (a) makes this unlikely and (b) explains your anxiety about your BFF getting a boyfriend?

ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Fri 4 Apr, 2014 06:21 am
@thisisyiyi,
You are still in high school.

One of the things you are going to learn is that relationships change over time. No relationship remains the same forever.

As a good friend, you can be supportive to your friend as she moves toward having a boyfriend. Hopefully when you start/develop romantic relationships you will have a friend/friends who will be supportive to you.
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Apr, 2014 09:07 am
@thisisyiyi,
google 'limerance'. It was my drug of choice when I was a young blade.
0 Replies
 
thisisyiyi
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Apr, 2014 07:27 pm
@contrex,
yes I know things will happen even if we don't want to. but yeah thank you for advices. I am just sad that I might lose a friend because a guy has "interfere" our long friendship.. And no I am not anxious about her getting a boyfriend, I am happy for her but you know, at the same time I don't want to accept the fact that she will be spending less time with me and more and more time with him.
0 Replies
 
thisisyiyi
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Apr, 2014 07:30 pm
@ehBeth,
I am being supportive as I tell her how cute they look together and all . I guess I am just overreacting. But I haven't told her how I feel because I'm scared she might think that I exaggerate.
I guess the fact that she is getting a boyfriend will be the lesson...that relationships change over time.
I am sad because whenever he sees him, he will go to him and kinda "ditch" me and when she doesn't see him, she will be super nice with me. She wasn't like that at all before this guy came in her life..
Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Apr, 2014 08:08 pm
@thisisyiyi,
Here's a question for you to give some thought to.

Would you be reacting with the same nervous angst if she were spending the time with a new female friend and wasn't being as exclusive to your friendship?

Your answer will reveal a lot about yourself and may help you sort out your thoughts. Is this about her having a boyfriend when you aren't yet ready to do the same, or is it about you having to share her friendship with someone else?
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 4 Apr, 2014 08:32 pm
When I was thirteen, I did things like walk with this friend a mile or more so she could walk by his house. Whose house I don't remember now. Listened over and over to how crazy she was for Marlon Brando. Listened over and over to how mad she was for Elvis. I never understood her, it was all a mystery to me, though I had my own small crushes on boys in our class.

My last letter to her after I moved and a few years went by expressed disapproval that she married out of our church. (We were seventeen and I was a complete idiot.)

Don't live your life around this friend. Live your life to find out who you are, get yourself some appreciation of your own interests, explore your own interests. Be a good friend but don't hang on people for your next breath. Now I think of myself back then as lonely and following a person who made things happen. There are words for that (sucky is one) but I understand it and a lot of people probably do.

Don't feel bereft if she or anyone else makes attachments. That is the way of the world.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Fri 4 Apr, 2014 09:57 pm
@thisisyiyi,
He's not even her boyfriend at this point.

I know it's difficult, but you need to try to relax about this a little bit.

She is your best friend right now. She may be your best friend in the future. Right now just have a good time with her when you both have time to be together . Enjoy yourself and try not to worry - the worrying won't make anything better.
thisisyiyi
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Apr, 2014 07:19 pm
@ehBeth,
ok its official now, she just called me that she has sth and they now talk 24/7. and all our conversations together now are about him and when I videocall her, she is half time ignoring me because she is talking to him and only when she wants me to show her sth or hw that she'll actually focus her 100% on me. I guess what I thought a few days ago really turn out to be like that. I just don't feel like talking and trying hard anymore because she is always talking with him and if she's talking with me the subject will be about him. I am tired of this. But at the same time, I don't wanna lose her...
0 Replies
 
thisisyiyi
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Apr, 2014 07:20 pm
@ossobuco,
Yeah.. but it's my first time feeling like that. She's my closest and first closest friend I'd say and now I am "loosing her" because of a boy...
What is this world...
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 Apr, 2014 07:27 pm
No yeah but.


Friends are not to be somehow owned. Stop it. Like other people but also like yourself.

thisisyiyi
 
  1  
Reply Sun 6 Apr, 2014 07:52 am
@ossobuco,
So what should I do now ?
Should I give her space and let her spending all her time with him or should I try hard to stay close to her ?
Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Sun 6 Apr, 2014 09:21 pm
@thisisyiyi,
You should do neither while doing both.

Have a heart to heart chat with her. Tell her how you are feeling and that you really value your friendship with her. Tell her you know things won't remain the same and that you want her to be happy. Suggest that you two now focus on quality time together rather than quantity. Maybe have a once a week date with each other when you don't talk about boyfriends and do something fun together.

Tell her you'll miss the old friendship and want her to know you'll still consider her your best friend and look forward to your once a week dates with each other.
thisisyiyi
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 Apr, 2014 06:21 pm
@Butrflynet,
aw this is really a big good advice! thankyou so much!
and I actually told her how I feel about : the fact that im very happy for her but know that we won't be spending most of our times now together. For example, today after school usually we would go home together but she stayed after school to be with him. I accepted because it's her own choice and freedom but you know, it's still sad to know that it started... I mean our friendship loosing Sad
but anyway thank you so much!
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