Pre-planning Funeral Arrangements

This is such a macabre subject don't propose to apologize for digression: the probability of everyone here making it past midnight tonight is in excess of 99% - good odds if you can get them - so therefore want to invite you all to New Year's Eve party at Lola's Salon (in General category). Pilots, poker players, mathematicians, gun owners, Republicans, and anyone who loves dogs and horses, can charge e-drinks to my account <G>

Have a very happy 2003!

HofT, Yeah, sure, charge the e-drinks to your e-account. I know, next year! c.i.

The more things change...

After nearly two years, I revisited (I hate that word) this issue (long story why), and after some actual research and a meeting with an area funeral director, I will be signing up with the Cremation Society of NH. A cremation is 1/10 the cost of a funeral; my wife is in agreement, which makes the whole thing pretty easy. The extra money saved will be better enjoyed by wife and daughter. All kind of interesting, actually.

People need to do what they are comfortable with, but with an average basic funeral in my area running $6,500 to $8,000, forget it.

Same here, bermbit. After almost two years, here we are, back on this subject. My brother passed away a month ago but gave us strict instructions. He wanted to be cremated. We did it exactly as he wanted and not counting personal travel expenses, the cremation, his memorial service and the repast, including food and beverages, cost less than 2500.00.

In 2000, my father's casket alone damn near cost that much.

I've never thought of cremation in the past but lately, I have been.

I found this site, which I think that you might find interesting:

http://www.ashesonthesea.com/cremationstats.htm

For years, I had always felt that cemeteries were a poor use of space, that would better serve the living. I remember when I lived in NY, and I would see people crammed together, with so much great land that had been set aside as burial places. (esp. in Brooklyn and Queens)

Over the years, cremation has become far more acceptable than burial to many people, cost being only one of the factors that have entered into a person's decision.

I am a full cadaver donor. That's free. If I know I'm dieing in advance I'm going to make a video to be shown at my wake, where everyone will receive a "Steve Quinney died and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" t-shirt. I'm serious. that's it. Why spend money on some stupid funeral?

Bi- I think that you have a great idea. I don't think that I would go for the T shirt idea, (what if I made up a bunch of T shirts, not enough people came, and there were T shirts left over? )

Anyhow, as far as I am concerned, the cheapest and simplest method is the best.

Anyhow, because of my medical history, I don't think that anyone would want my body for spare parts. I certainly don't want a bunch of pimply faced medical students pointing at me and tittering!

I will have squinney send the tshirts to Goodwill if there are any extra. I find that thought hilarious and would enjoy carrying it to the grave with me.

I am in this business and even if you are donating your body you still need to go through a funeral home for transportation. I suggest you contact someone regarding the rules in your state. Also if you are donating you need to complete some specific forms for the institution you are donating to. If anyone has any questions I would be glad to help you with them. Also check out this site for some interesting ways to preserve your memory. (EDIT: Moderator. Link Removed)

Planning ahead for your personal disposal is a pretty mundane topic. I was recently invited to attend a seminar hosted by what in reality is an insurance group catering to funerals.

No offense but what immediately noticed was the shabbiness of the affair. It was hosted in a country club that had seen better days and was on the verge of being seedy. The "host" at my table was a fat woman from South of the border that could barely speak English. And hear she was going to advise us on how to prepare for the end.

A day or so after the seminar I visited the largest funeral home in the city which coincidentally was a member of this insurance company. Now this place has been in business a long time. I expected it to be quality. I drove up and the grounds were very nice but once I stepped inside? Once again shabbiness. A fat black woman was seated behind a faux marble counter that had drops of some liquid on top; she was dressed in a cheap, worn, black suit a few sizes too small for her. Also on the counter top was Scotch-taped a note written in various colored pencil.

I requested information about cremation. She asked me to wait until a man off to my right was finished speaking with some people. He was standing off to my right speaking in Spanish to, two casually dressed Mexican women seated by a wall.

I took the occasion to meander around. Threadbare was the norm throughout. After a few moments I told the woman I had to leave and I did.

This was a month or so ago. Since then I have not given the idea of personal ending much thought. I just want it to be as simple and clean as possible. Cremation with no services. I have a family but I just want to have it done with as quickly as possible. Some brochures claim this could be done for as little as $750-1,500. The main concern I have at this point is how reliable these people are. What if I pay them now and when the time comes for them to perform my service they have left town, sold out or gone out of business? I know it is not complimentary but I view people that operate funeral homes and nursing homes as being cut from the same cloth. Not especially well educated. Not especially reliable people.

As much as I would like not to I am going to have my sons involved in my funeral preparations and execution than I really care to in order to ensure things go right.

Jack Webbs--

I'm growing more and more skeptical of "spare your survivors the trouble" school of planning funerals. Dealing with the corpse is therapy for grief. Further, burial ceremonies are for survivors, not for the dead.

My son and daughter-in-law are mature, sensible adults who know my wishes. They are in control of their own lives--why would I think that they couldn't manage my death?

Well you have a good point Noddy24. This is the way things normally are supposed to be. It sounds strange I know but I am not particularly friendly with my family. I am practically estranged for all practical purposes with some of them. Where the others are concerned I would prefer they were eliminated from my funeral details. I prefer the details to be quick and clean as they possibley can. I just don't want any of them obligated, involved in any way.

wonderful WONDERFUL advice.
I have only skimmed soe of the responces but you have gotten some really good advice on this thread.

I wanted to add some that I know of.
Have a copy of what you want notarized and dispersed between a FEW people. Keep a copy in a safe deposit box. Pick what kind of funeral you want but dont pick the place. As people have asked and stated, even funeral homes go out of business. Sometimes the things you want from a certain funeral home are not offered later. Casket prices, locations etc..
Keep it cheap. Remember, the harsh reality.. noone will ever see your casket. You will not feel your casket. 10,000 $ on something that is only going to rot in dirt and never be seen again is a questionable expence.
Now, if you really want a golden casket with silk lining, lace pillows and potpouri in it.. WRITE IT DOWN!
Funeral workers are sales men in somber settings. This is not always comfortable for family members during thier grieving period.
Grief does strange things to people. A good gift you can give your family in thier time of grief for you is an outline of WHAT to do so they can just focus on thier goodbyes.
Consult a lawyer about it. Usually a consultation fee is less then 100 $ and they can tell you how and what to do so you can ensure that things are taken care of and that there is enough money left to do so , so that noone goes in debt just to bury your body.
When you are done,tell your family about what your wishes are and where they can find the outline in the event of your death.

No, it isnt morbid to do this while you are living.
;-)