Pre-planning Funeral Arrangements

I know my great-aunt did this. Saved my folks a lot of aggravation (she didn't have any kids).

My father did that. It made it very easy for us all. It went off without a snag.

It makes sense. Having it the way you want it instead of allowing others to impose their preferences. This may sound trite but both my mother and father were buried in clothing that I know they would not have chosen if they'd had a choice. And my brother selected a casket for my mother that was so inferior to what she would have wanted for herself. After witnessing these things, planning your own services, down to what you are wearing, makes alot of sense to me and altho' I never thought about it before, I'm thinking about it now. Thanks bermbits.

As everyone else has said, it certainly makes sense. Not only are your wishes carried out, but also it relieves those you leave behind of the responsibility, and their fear that they might make a wrong choice.

bermbits, I told my wife that I want my remains to be cremated and thrown into the Pacific Ocean. My memorial service should be a celebration of my life, not one of those sorrowful, sentimental, ceremonies, and a party should be had. I made arrangements with the Neptune Society that does cremations. My wife can pay the $2,000 (or so) when they provide the 'service.' c.i.

I'm with Cicerone. As soon as it's financially posible I plan on paying for everything in advance and I also want to be cremated and either put in the ocean or in the woods behind my house. Either way you decide to have things carried out, I think making all the arrangements before hand saves your loved ones from having to try and figure out what you would have wanted and everything is paid for. When my father died picking out his coffin and making all the arrangement was very hard on me emotionally.

We've already planned. There is this lovely National Cemetery in central Florida. We both want to be cremated, and then placed in this nice little thingy (looks like a small gym locker, with a stone door, with the names inscribed). There is room for the two of us, all though I shudder to think what would be if we had to stay together in such close quarters for eternity!

I don't want a ceremony at all, but I think my husband does. One of the loveliest ceremonies that I have seen was a memorial right in the persons home, a few weeks after she died. We all sat around and talked about memories of the deceased. THAT was nice!

Phoenix
That sounds really nice :-) I can't wait to get things taken care of.

You guys really have me thinking now. When you make your final arrangements, how are they legalized? Should they be? When my mother passed last year, my brother claimed that Moms had told him that she wanted to be buried in La., in the small town she was born in. My aunt, her sister, insisted that my mother could not have possibly meant that. It got real ugly before it was all over and it really isn't over yet as far as auntie is concerned but, if my mother had put this on paper even, I don't think my aunt would have accepted it so, to avoid all of that, should a lawyer be consulted when making your own arrangements? You want to be sure that your wishes are followed and not overrided by a pushy relative. The kind we ALL have.

One word of caution. There have been a number of publicized cases of funeral homes that reneged on pre-paid funerals in one way or another or went out of business etc after spending all the money they had taken in for such purposes.

Another option is to open a burial account in a bank. It can be set up so that it is only payable for funeral expenses and can't be released without proof of death etc.

That can be done in conjunction with a plan for arrangements set up with a funeral home or crematory.

I think it is wise for such arrangements/plans to be shared with
family members well in advance so there are no surprises.

Even with all that, there is no real guarantee that we can control the behavior of our survivors.

Phoenix, The arguments will cease, and both of you will live in 'peace.' c.i.

What happens if you buy a funeral plan and then that company goes bankrupt or closes before you die?
How far in advance should you buy a plan? If you are in good health and under 50, is it still wise?
What happens if you find out, after you've already paid to bury a relative, that they had a prepaid funeral plan with a different company?

This is an interesting topic and one I hadn't previously given much thought to. I just found this: http://www.state.nj.us/lps/ca/brief/prefuner.htm which may answer some questions for people. I'm not sure if the same things apply elsewhere since the page is from the State of New Jersey and other laws may apply ion other states.

I'll have to thunk on this for a bit... hmmmm...

I think its a good idea that if you dont have a trust or arrangement set up ahead of time, an inclusion in your will, etc. you should at least have a relative closest to you keep a record of what your wishes are in your own hand. And, I dont think you should wait until you are a certain age to have that available, thought out, etc.
My father passed on early and even though I knew he wanted to be cremated, and had always stated so to myself and my mother, his new girlfriend decided that he had told her otherwise, and had him buried and did it a few rows from his mother/grandparents, etc. I am quite certain he would have been greatly against this.
The time is an emotionally straining period no matter what, and whatever you can do to aid that certainly helps those you leave behind.
Also, choosing a person in the family to take care of your obituary details is important as well, that was another mess my fathers girlfriend made, and thats a record that others may look into in the future to find information.

jjorge
a berial account is a good idea and if there is any question about any other wishes concerning cremation, etc... you can just put that in your will.

Stating your wishes in a Will would more than likely be too late considering that most Wills are read some time after ones' death. That's the rub. Your last wishes should not only be made beforehand but to be sure that they are followed, it seems to me that a legal document is in order. Sounds like quinn 1 had a problem with daddy's girlfriend to the point that if one of the kids had produced a simple piece of paper, even with daddy's signature, girlfriend could have dismissed it. But if that piece of paper was some kind of official document, notarized, then that would have been the end of that argument.
I'm all in favor of pre-planning. But there should be some assurance, by law, that your wishes are carried out as you would have them.

Eoe
Good point. I suppose a legal document would deffinately be in order. I think I'll talk to my lawyer about it and see what he has to say. I know that I've made my wishes known to my family and I do trust that they will carry them through, but you can never be too prepared.

IN talking about "wills," one should also consider "living wills." It helps your spouse and physician determine to what extent you want life reviving methods used when you are no longer capable of making those decisions. I told my wife, no extras needed in my case. My doctor also has a copy. c.i.

c.i. Also, health care surrogate. With those, you can name a person who is legally able to make medical decisions for you if you are unable to do it yourself:


Link to Health Care Surrogate Info,

It is important that you check the laws in your particular state, as they may vary.