How to overcome the lifelong feelings of depression and the feelings along with.

I believe my actions are extremely critical right now and will be for the rest of my life in this life. I believe God and Jesus Christ understand who I am, the depression I've suffered, and understand my love for them. I will do my best to be as submissive as I can be to God's Law. I am in an extremely tough situation in my life right now and have finally realized my grief. So much ignorance I've had throughout my life due to my severe depression, I feel I am being questioned as to my love for Christ and the Holy Spirit. This situation is so very difficult but things only had gotten worse for me when someone started messing with my head couple years back causing the severity of my grief to worsen. Having been shoved so far down in depression I honestly felt there was no way out. But I've returned to reading the Holy Bible and feel as long as I keep my trust and faith in God and Jesus Christ my life will be as it should. 

It is difficult living in a negative environment. Things are extremely difficult for me. It is as if I am being abused, tormented tremendously on the inside. My mind. It is as if I'm living in a mental hell. I want to cry all of the time but I keep myself. Because I feel it is showing my weakness. This life is extremely tough on me. It is all I can do to move, to have a care for anything. 

If this is your outlook of course it's going to continue that way. As I mentioned you are using negative reinforcement for your affirmations which causes you to continue in the cycle. There has to be at least one positive thing, if not you are not examining it close enough or being rational enough.

The solution is not to constantly reinforce these negative affirmations but instead focus on the positive. I can't tell you what that positive is, you have to tell it to yourself. If you can't find even a single positive thing then your depression will continue because you will just continue to reinforce your negative outlook.

Right, doctor.

http://www.ucg.org/christian-living/cost-ignorance/

http://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/forgiveness-bible-verses/

http://www.biblegateway.com/blog/2012/10/what-is-the-unforgivable-sin/

http://christiananswers.net/q-eden/unpardonablesin.html

I see it as you either love God and Jesus Christ within your heart and soul or you don't.
I do love God and Jesus Christ. I understand the pain they encountered. And for us being their people they continuously suffer because evil is among us keeping some of us, their people from them. Any who are against God and Jesus Christ may believe all you want that I might be unable to be with God and Jesus Christ. But I believe otherwise. Where I end up after this life I believe heaven. Anyone may believe as they wish.

If I am wrong then the wicked (evil) will have their way with me.