It is difficult living in a negative environment. Things are extremely difficult for me. It is as if I am being abused, tormented tremendously on the inside. My mind. It is as if I'm living in a mental hell. I want to cry all of the time but I keep myself. Because I feel it is showing my weakness. This life is extremely tough on me. It is all I can do to move, to have a care for anything.
If this is your outlook of course it's going to continue that way. As I mentioned you are using negative reinforcement for your affirmations which causes you to continue in the cycle. There has to be at least one positive thing, if not you are not examining it close enough or being rational enough.
The solution is not to constantly reinforce these negative affirmations but instead focus on the positive. I can't tell you what that positive is, you have to tell it to yourself. If you can't find even a single positive thing then your depression will continue because you will just continue to reinforce your negative outlook.