+1 to Punkey's post. They are also asking 'didn't you see the warning signs'.
The difference for many men:
- they try harder to be on their best behaviour when just boyfriend
- the deeper they get into marriage, the less they feel they have to try
In other words, if they are verbally abusive, it will only increase with marriage. This is so common an occurrence with abusive men that it is pretty much cliche.
All of the above isn't of course, true of all men.