Sat 22 Mar, 2014 05:33 pm
It would be great to get some help to figure this out and would appreciate your comments on the- attempted short- story. (Of course, in the end, I'll be the one to know...but I do think discussing it will help).
The first person I was in love with was a woman. I was then in high school and she was a bit older than me- a teacher!- and straight...in a way, the not-so-uncommon fantasy high school love. Only with someone who was my own gender. I never came through to her and she eventually disappeared from my life. I've felt attracted to a couple of women afterwards, being still in my early 20s. Same pattern- straight women and a bit (but not much) older. It seems I even have a physical type, but that's not so relevant.
I started my sex life at 19, with men. I only felt strongly sexually attracted to a man at 25 (and to another one at 30), but am otherwise mildly attracted to men- I like their company, I enjoy the all-level intimacy and the intellectual rapport, the sex is usually good. (Side note, the stronger attractions have not worked out- coincidence or the fact that I have a tendency at times to take control during sex and be proactive in pursuing...which is not what all men value).
I've never had sex with a woman, though occasionally fantasize about it. I tend to think that I could be in a relationship with a woman, but I hesitate on a few points: (1) the obvious- I never tried; (2) I assume the human relationship wouldn't be as good as the one with a man (for a long time, my most loyal friends were men- this is now changing, as I am starting to make friends with some women as well- anyway, I may have a better intellectual fit with men); (3) this is quite intimate- my fantasies always stop before touching the vagina, i.e. I like the idea of everything else- kissing breasts, the contact, holding/ handling etc.- but this. Lately I've not been attracted to any particular woman, but then all the women I know are straight and maybe I became a bit more realistic.
What do you think? And also, what on earth should I do...I'm really confused here: it seems that maybe I should try being with a woman (of course, being honest with her about my situation), but I'm quite picky- with both men and women, but then, there's always a wider pool of men- and I live in a small town- so hard one. I should mention, I've not told anyone about this but a guy I used to date...probably the more important people in my life would accept my eventual bisexuality, or not, but yes, if it's real, I'll come through.
Thanks for reading and appreciate your thoughts on this.
Uumm..let me understand this: why would you not bringing these problems and try a REAL counselor instead of asking a bunch of total strangers on the Internet who are not qualified? This is not a simple matter with a simple solution.
The first important step I would think is your own self-acceptance whatever gender is of the partner with whom you decide you might want to be intimate. Stop trying to figure out what the label of what you side of the street you're on. Go with what feels right and don't worry about outsiders or your small town.
Well, honestly, I think you do surely have tendancies to being bisexual, and that you mention not being sure because you have never actually had sex with a woman before does not change that at all. It has to be mentioned here that bisexuality is defined with "People who feel attrackted to both genders AND say of themselves they are bisexual." So, if you would like to "Label" yourself bisexual, you are. If you don't feel like it, you aren't. By the way, there is also the possibility of a Person being "straight" but "bicurious", in which case you are interested in the same gender, but not as in having a relationship with them.