Past Perfect Progressive and Past Perfect Simple

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Hello! I'm currently writing a small story (fanfiction). English isn't my first language though, so I'm having a few problems.
The character remembers something from a few weeks ago, that's why I used Past Perfect Progressive and Past perfect Simple. (I hope these tenses are even right)
Its about 20 lines long and I have a feeling that I made a lot of mistakes. I constantly used the phrase "had been" or something similar and when I read it now it seems too much.
I hope its okay if I post some of the lines so you can see what my mistakes are.
---
Taking a can of beans he had found in a cupboard he started recalling the memories of an escapade that could have taken his life, if he hadn't been as experienced as he was, a few weeks ago.

The young killer had been stepping out of a house that had been filled with live 10 minutes ago when he had heard multiple wails of sirens getting louder.
Apparently someone had seen him sneaking around and had called the police. Unfortunately he had been too focused on his kill to hear the noise outside immediately.
He had tried to run away, but had quickly noticed that the cars had come from all directions, effectively caging him in.
The men with those suits he detested so much had been climbing out of their cars with their guns drawn and pointed at him.
---
It just all sounds so wrong, but that's the best I can do. :/

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@Soporia,

While taking a can of beans he found in a cupboard he recalled an escapade of a few weeks ago that could have taken his life, if he hadn't been as experienced as he was.

1 Reply

@JTT,

Oh Thanks, that's sounds really good.

1 Reply

@Soporia,

Once you set the stage with the past perfect you don't need to keep using it. Try to revamp a paragraph, Soporia.

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@Soporia,

Stepping out of a house filled with life not 10 minutes ago the young killer encountered a crescendo of sirens.

…..was greeted by a wail of sirens in growing amplitude. Clearly, he thought (grasped, apprehended, realized, etc), I'm being intercepted

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@dalehileman,

dalehileman wrote:

Stepping out of a house filled with life not 10 minutes ago the young killer encountered a crescendo*** of sirens.

Stepping out of a house filled with life not ten* minutes before** the young killer encountered a chorus*** of sirens.

* An improvement (in prose we write numbers in words)
** a correction ('ago' is not appropriate here because it refers to time relative to the time of writing, not the time of the described action)
*** A personal peeve: a crescendo is a gradual increase, but it is often wrongly used to mean "reach a very loud state" or something like that.

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@contrex,

Good work Con

Still I'd defend "crescendo"

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@contrex,

Contrex: *** A personal peeve: a crescendo is a gradual increase, but it is often wrongly used to mean "reach a very loud state" or something like that.
/////////

These personal peeves would be more aptly named "a personal ignorance". What planet do you inhabit, Contrex, what deep dank cave? All you need do is check a dictionary for dogs sake!

You are wrong so often on your cockamamie ideas on language that no one should ever accept anything you say without first checking it. In this you are completely useless for EFLs, for anyone actually.

////////

http://i.word.com/idictionary/crescendo

b : the peak of a gradual increase : climax
/////////

http://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/crescendo

MUSIC a gradual increase in sound in a piece of music

a.
MUSIC the loudest part of a piece of music
Thesaurus entry for this meaning of crescendo
2LITERARY a gradual increase in something
Thesaurus entry for this meaning of crescendo
a.
the point when something has increased to its highest limit

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@dalehileman,

Dale: Still I'd defend "crescendo"

Of course you would, Dale, you operate in the real world.

1 Reply

@JTT,

Quote:

in the real world

Thanks JTT but often I do wonder

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Despite what some dictionaries say, a crescendo is a process, not a result. It is the process of getting louder. To use it as a result is as meaningless as to say a climb ended in an ascent.

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@contrex,

Quote:

...a crescendo is a process, not a result

But Con now I'm confused since

"...the young killer encountered a crescendo of sirens"

doesn't necessarily imply result but a process in which the wail is increasing

So maybe you've got hold of some obscure grammatical technicality 'way beyond my competence

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@dalehileman,

dalehileman wrote:

But Con now I'm confused since

"...the young killer encountered a crescendo of sirens"

doesn't necessarily imply result but a process in which the wail is increasing

You're right; they could be gradually increasing.

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@contrex,

Contrex: Despite what some dictionaries say, a crescendo is a process, not a result. It is the process of getting louder.
/////////

"Despite what some dictionaries say"?!! You really are a royal idiot. That word 'royal' doesn't mean the same as other uses of "royal".

Dictionaries only describe the meanings that native speakers give to words. Dale used/recognized crescendo with that particular meaning just as I did. That's why it's in the dictionaries.

Contrex: To use it as a result is as meaningless as to say a climb ended in an ascent.
------

Good lord, Contrex! Here's you, below, described by the linguist, Geoffrey Nunberg. Take out "hopefully" and stick in climb/crescendo/ascent and he could have been talking about you.

---------------------
Somebody who came to "hopefully" armed only with a keen ear for English grammar and style would have no way of knowing that anybody had a problem with it. You can only know about it if you're the sort of person who reads usage guides or who has tea with others who do. It's not enough just to be literate; you have to have pretensions to being one of the literati.

http://www.npr.org/2012/05/30/153709651/the-word-hopefully-is-here-to-stay-hopefully

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Past Perfect Progressive and Past Perfect Simple

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