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Sat 22 Feb, 2014 03:27 pm
I'm in a relationship. I'm generally content, but like any other relationship there are ups and downs, nothing is perfect. We don't have any children, she has two kids that are getting older.
A year and a half ago I met a girl online, it was not on an online dating website, facebook, chat room or anything like that. We became friends, she knew I was in a relationship and was good with it. She was and still just dates. Things led to another and I believe we are definitely having an emotional relationship. We exchange pictures, talk almost every day. But, she refuses to meet me because I'm attached. She will not talk on a cam, she will not take a picture of herself and instantly send it, or she won't facetime on the iphone. Things do get sexual. The pictures she sends are definitely the same person. She also seems very secretive about her personal life whereas I'm an open book and share many things with her. I've tried to do simple searches on her name, phone number, and birthday but I don't get any results. I was going to see her when we first met, but her dad had a stroke and we never did meet. I do believe she lives alone and is not married or has a boyfriend. She says until someone sweeps her off her feet, that she still wants to talk and see how things play out and that we could have a good life together. I have caught her in some little lies, I emailed her from my work email, my name was in the email, but she didn't pay attention and then replied back using a different name. Her voicemail does contain her name though.
Don't tell me I'm going to hell and should be hanged, because I already know. I've seen on here about emotional relationships and how damaging they can be. We've tried to break it off, but unsuccessfully. My question is, mainly to any women who can answer without judging the situation (may be hard) If you were involved with a man who was attached, would you feel a need to at least meet him once? Does it seem strange to anyone that she refuses to meet me because I'm attached, yet she continues to talk to me via email and text. She's willing to be sexual over the phone, but still refuses to meet for coffee. I don't think I can ever change my current situation for a woman I've never seen before. She doesn't understand that. Somebody please knock me dead and tell me to end it.
@leotush,
leotush wrote:
...If you were involved with a man who was attached, would you feel a need to at least meet him once? Does it seem strange to anyone that she refuses to meet me because I'm attached, yet she continues to talk to me via email and text. She's willing to be sexual over the phone, but still refuses to meet for coffee. I don't think I can ever change my current situation for a woman I've never seen before. She doesn't understand that. Somebody please knock me dead and tell me to end it.
1) Nope.
2) Nope; it's a lot easier for her to tell herself that the whole thing is make-believe.
End it. She is not going to meet you.
And, BTW, what do you think would happen if you were to meet?
You're just looking for a booty call, and she knows it.
@leotush,
I couldn't have said it better than Jespah. End it as it's a fantasy that is threatening to take over your better judgment. She is in a no-risk no commitment flirtation and cyber sexual relationship, which generally have a short shelf life. This is fraught with potential disappointment and hurt. Most likely for you.
Work on what's missing in your existing long term relationship. It requires a rededication and more honest soul-searching. not so much fun but might be more rewarding and necessary.
@leotush,
Quote: She will not talk on a cam, she will not take a picture of herself and instantly send it, or she won't facetime on the iphone.
How do you know this person is even a woman?
Quote:The pictures she sends are definitely the same person.
But not necessarily her.
I think you are being taken for a ride here, and should put your energy into fixing your current relationship instead of worrying about this person.
@cherrie,
Im sure its a girl. Thanks.
@leotush,
Dear. You have a real relationship and a fantasy. If we could all check out of reality, we'd all love the "possibility" of the fantasy life. With her, you don't have to talk about children, pressures, bills... You can be a boy.
With your real relationship, you have to be a man, engaged in the realities of life. Life is complicated and difficult at times.
You probably feel like you have overwhelming emotions about the "girl you've never seen." Nothing you "feel" for her is real, because she's a one-dimensional character.
Your pressures or negatives with your life partner may be crushing currently - or you may get hitting some mid-life skid where anything - no matter how unrealistic or ephemeral - seems preferable.
Online girl is probably stringing along a few dudes like you. Don't screw your life up.
Try to fix your relationship. If you can't - leave it. Then worry about what's next.
@leotush,
leotush wrote:
Im sure its a girl. Thanks.
Listen to yourself, you can't find a trace of her anywhere, and that doesn't give you a clue? Be a grownup, and either recommit to your current live in love, or do both of yourselves a solid, move out and let that woman live in the real world devoid of a 'companion' pining after a woman who might not even exist. If the situation was reversed, how would you feel if your wife was desperate to meet 'for coffee' a guy who was sexting her but refused to meet with her until she dumped you. Can you not see how foolish you appear? I vote you leave your stable household, get an apartment and 6 computers so you can legitimately court your reluctant would be love.
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