10
   

Help! I'm a Troll and stuck under a bridge!

 
 
Reply Sat 22 Feb, 2014 02:13 pm
Help! I awoke this morning to find myself under the bridge over Cockamamie Creek. One look at my reflection in the stream revealed to my horror: I am a troll! So,I emailed my friends and this is what they said:
SetReadyGo wrote:
Trolls are first mentioned as living under bridges in Das Freakenmensch by Hans Undfeets, in his thesis c. 666 C.E. So what makes you think you are so special? And don't offer coffee unless you can deliver.
FrankieLinguini wrote:
So the god has made you a troll. Live with it!
GeneralGrant wrote:
Fossilized trolls have been discovered as early as the subcutaneous era.
DoNation wrote:
Trolls are not nice. I shall no longer talk to you.

Do(I have spoken)Nation
easypush wrote:
When you
Must use the loo
What do
You
Do?
poof wrote:
IMHO, you should either get a job or kiss a frog. That might help. Although some may disagree.
nonny wrote:
You must also be psychotic
Jespediah wrote:
There's a legal issue here. Did you put the bop in the bop she bop shebop? Fees must be paid!
FabianRotini wrote:
Jesus forgives all trolls. But first we must send an army to exterminate you godless heathens.
roswell59 wrote:
If the patriots aren't in the super bowl, I could care less.
JJ wrote:
You denied evolution, so I used my power to send you back! But first, do you have any advice as to how I can get my girlfriend to answer my text messages?
Reasoning Bloggist wrote:
Do you believe trolldom is the best solution for your mental health issues?
ClamDelicious wrote:
I respect your condition. No, I will not visit you.
Smiley the Barbarian wrote:
I'm no expert; but I think the word troll is a shortened form of the word troglodyte.
OmSigar wrote:
Trolls are generally reincarnated as politicians. So, you shall have your revenge!
Garbly wrote:
That's what you get for being an enabler. Stay right where you are.
parade watcher wrote:
Go talk to someone else.
I'm really worried. Can I be helped?
 
View best answer, chosen by neologist
edgarblythe
 
  4  
Reply Sat 22 Feb, 2014 02:33 pm
If you get the cattle prod out of your ass, I suspect you will be a little less uncomfortable.
neologist
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Feb, 2014 02:44 pm
@edgarblythe,
Owww! Crying or Very sad
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Feb, 2014 04:00 pm
Flat-lined another thread. Razz
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Sun 23 Feb, 2014 12:06 am
@edgarblythe,
I don't know Edgar, I feel much better going sans cattle prod. I think you provided much needed advice,.
0 Replies
 
saab
  Selected Answer
 
  5  
Reply Sun 23 Feb, 2014 05:08 am
Guess you are the ugly troll under the bridge

Once upon a time there were three billy goats, who were to go up to the hillside to make themselves fat, and the name of all three was "Gruff."
On the way up was a bridge over a cascading stream they had to cross; and under the bridge lived a great ugly troll , with eyes as big as saucers, and a nose as long as a poker.
So first of all came the youngest Billy Goat Gruff to cross the bridge.
"Trip, trap, trip, trap! " went the bridge.
"Who's that tripping over my bridge?" roared the troll .
"Oh, it is only I, the tiniest Billy Goat Gruff , and I'm going up to the hillside to make myself fat," said the billy goat, with such a small voice.
"Now, I'm coming to gobble you up," said the troll.
"Oh, no! pray don't take me. I'm too little, that I am," said the billy goat. "Wait a bit till the second Billy Goat Gruff comes. He's much bigger."
"Well, be off with you," said the troll.
A little while after came the second Billy Goat Gruff to cross the bridge.
Trip, trap, trip, trap, trip, trap, went the bridge.
"Who's that tripping over my bridge?" roared the troll.
"Oh, it's the second Billy Goat Gruff , and I'm going up to the hillside to make myself fat," said the billy goat, who hadn't such a small voice.
"Now I'm coming to gobble you up," said the troll.
"Oh, no! Don't take me. Wait a little till the big Billy Goat Gruff comes. He's much bigger."
"Very well! Be off with you," said the troll.
But just then up came the big Billy Goat Gruff .
Trip, trap, trip, trap, trip, trap! went the bridge, for the billy goat was so heavy that the bridge creaked and groaned under him.
"Who's that tramping over my bridge?" roared the troll.
"It's I! The big Billy Goat Gruff ," said the billy goat, who had an ugly hoarse voice of his own.
"Now I 'm coming to gobble you up," roared the troll.
Well, come along! I've got two spears,
And I'll poke your eyeballs out at your ears;
I've got besides two curling-stones,
And I'll crush you to bits, body and bones.
That was what the big billy goat said. And then he flew at the troll, and poked his eyes out with his horns, and crushed him to bits, body and bones, and tossed him out into the cascade, and after that he went up to the hillside. There the billy goats got so fat they were scarcely able to walk home again. And if the fat hasn't fallen off them, why, they're still fat; and so,

Snip, snap, snout.
This tale's told out.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1D0TJ4CwTRY/TuA__elkeDI/AAAAAAAAAIU/EfCoJVir240/s1600/Hayley_troll.jpg
neologist
 
  2  
Reply Sun 23 Feb, 2014 08:49 am
@saab,
Laughing Laughing
0 Replies
 
Smileyrius
 
  2  
Reply Sun 23 Feb, 2014 07:48 pm
I lolled

LOL is an abbreviation for “laughing out loud”, “laugh out loud”, or sometimes “lots of laughs”. Depending on one’s opinion and manners of usage, its longhand interpretation may slightly vary from one to another. However, “Laughing out Loud” is the most common definition of the term
0 Replies
 
Frank Apisa
 
  2  
Reply Mon 24 Feb, 2014 12:04 pm
@neologist,
Mares eat oats and does eat oats,
And little lambs eat ivy.
A kid'll eat ivy too.

Wouldn't you?

LIVE WITH IT, Neo!
neologist
 
  2  
Reply Mon 24 Feb, 2014 12:17 pm
@Frank Apisa,
Most of the ivy I remember from Jersey gives you a rash
Probably under this bridge, too
Yikes!
Frank Apisa
 
  2  
Reply Mon 24 Feb, 2014 12:24 pm
@neologist,
neologist wrote:

Most of the ivy I remember from Jersey gives you a rash
Probably under this bridge, too
Yikes!


Ahhh...but the bridge may be an illusion...and the ivy also. But the itch is sill gonna be a bitch!
neologist
 
  1  
Reply Mon 24 Feb, 2014 01:06 pm
@Frank Apisa,
Itchigo ergo sum?
0 Replies
 
Brandon9000
 
  1  
Reply Fri 28 Feb, 2014 06:34 am
And "Troll 2" isn't about trolls! Go figure!
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  3  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 03:00 pm
@neologist,
I don't know if you can be helped, but stay in after dawn. You will turn to stone if touched by the sun's rays. Of course, you'd then be a really cool statue and probably end up in an art gallery.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Mar, 2014 05:41 pm
and how could we forget......

0 Replies
 
 

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