I need your help Grammar Gurus.

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I have been told this whole letter has multiple awkward sentences but with my puny knowledge I haven't been able to figure out what exactly that is. I would genuinely appreciate any suggestions!

Hi, XXXXXX

Since I know how busy you must be, I'll try to keep this email less than 30 seconds.

First off, thank you so much for taking your time to interview me today. Although I am relieved to hear that things are not as hectic in the beginning of the year, I know that given your position how busy you must be.

There were 3 takeaways I gained from interview with you today.

First, it was great to hear your guidelines on how to exceed expectation in the short term. It was enlightening to hear your take on relationships and the value of internal network.

Secondly, time management of success people is something I am always interested in and idea of compartmentalized thinking is a completely new way of approach that I have not thought of before. The example you gave on how you would divide phone conversations really helped me get a grasp of the thought process and the logic behind it.

Lastly, your advice regarding the unbalanced ratio between input and output of the first year BTAs and how to prepare yourself emotionally for the frustration will be a great assurance knowing that everyone else goes through the same thing.

I would love to hear some feedback from you regarding our interview if that's possible.
I know I would become a great asset in the future if I knew what I am doing right and what I am doing wrong.

Thank you very much for your time and I hope to hear from you soon.

Warm Regards

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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 401 • Replies: 6

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@GramGram,

There are a few things that could be improved, GG, but is this intended to be sarcastic 'cause it comes across like that?

1 Reply

@JTT,

No far from it.

That is a really big problem if this letter sounds sarcastic.

What would you suggest JTT?

1 Reply

@GramGram,

I don't know the interpersonals you have with this person, GG, but it seemed a little too relaxed for someone who was being "interviewed".

What is your position vis a vis this person?

Whenever anyone writes a letter, missive, reply, book, article, paper ... there is always some adjustment to be made.

1 Reply

@JTT,

He is the partner of the consulting firm I applied to. Given the nature of our conversation I thought it would be OK if the letter was a bit relaxed.

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@GramGram,

GramGram wrote:

...
Since I know how busy you must be, I'll try to keep this email less than 30 seconds....

One thing I would suggest right off the bat is, this sentence should be excised. You're saying that you know this person is busy, but then you give them an extra sentence to read, and then you repeat yourself about the recipient's state of being busy. Plus the whole letter is too long for trying to keep an email short.

The following sentence I would cut really short, to something like -
Thank you so much for taking the time to interview me today.

See where I'm going with this?

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One thing which bemuses me is this obsession with "regards." Best regards, warm regards--having lived most of my life in the "snail mail" era, i can say that in thousands of letters, i never saw a native speaker of English use regards in the complimentary close. This must be some artifact of contemporary English texts.

More than that, though, there is no reason to use a complimentary close in an email.

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I need your help Grammar Gurus.

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