Husband Overhears Remark

Not long before we were divorced, my husband and I on a trip to the coast had dinner with an old friend and her husband whom we had not seen in a long time. At this dinner was my friend's husband's boss, whom I thought was extremely interesting as he knew many famous musicians and music groups. I enjoyed talking to him so much I pretty much ignored everyone else. Neither my husband nor my friend and her husband were included in our conversation. To make a long story short, when my husband went to the restroom preparatory to our departure, I told the man, among other things, that I had always been interested in music, had had a jazz musician as a boyfriend a few years before, and thought that I missed that kind of exciting life . . . My husband came out from the restroom, and the man then asked indicating my husband with his thumb, "Why then did you marry him?" My husband, who was facing us, heard very clearly this rude question and I was somewhat embarrassed and managed a little lamely to answer, "... because I love him."

This night directly to our divorce because my husband never forgave me. That night on our way home, he repeatedly asked me what in our conversation had led up to the remark. I lied to him telling him I didn't know, it wasn't important, I didn't remember. My hubby said I had spoken over him whenever he tried to speak all throughout the dinner in order to dominate the conversation, etc. and that all my flirting made him sick, etc. All this got on my nerves. I denied that I was flirting (and I don't believe that I was.). He never stopped pestering me about flirting, talking to men, talking about my old boyfriends, etc. etc. etc. My husband was the kind of guy who keeps things bottled up and doesn't just come right out and tell you what he's pissed off about. I got sick of this and of his other accusations about things I had done in the past.

I am not the kind of woman who wants a man always "after her." I don't need all this "boy-girl" talk. My husband knew this when I married him. I refused to tell him many things though he asked me. Me telling him everything is usually only an excuse to keep me to himself in every way. I let him keep his secrets, I kept my mine. I do like my independence, I like to travel alone and to have my own friends. I enjoy very much that men find me attractive-- I really do. My husband knew this about me, too, before we married, though we didn't exactly have a conversation about it nor write up a contract and so on.

I guess I shouldn't be married again as I can see I need an extremely liberal-minded husband, not one who demands so much control and is possessive. I don't think there are husbands like I need out there. On the other hand, I truly believe if there are "secrets" to be kept, then there can be no true intimacy between people if they don't share the secrets they have. I guess that's the choice. Between dull intimacy and the frequent loneliness but excitement of experience. I don't otherwise know how to put my dilemma...