Friend is Killing my Self-esteem

Reply Fri 7 Feb, 2014 05:14 pm
I have a friend that is in an international long distance relationship that I'm jealous of. She's also very confident about her life in general. I'm also in a good local relationship right now. Whenever I talk to her my self-esteem takes a dive when she mentions anything that reminds me of her relationship. I also feel bad about myself when she sounds so confident about her future plans when I don't feel so confident about my own. I want to be her friend, but I can't be supportive or talk to her without feeling crappy. Is there anything I can do?
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Reply Fri 7 Feb, 2014 06:48 pm
@chibi ren,
So she isn't being nasty, she isn't putting you down, she isn't condescending, she isn't actually doing anything to damage your self esteem.

Self esteem is worked for, rather than a given. It's the worth you place on : your character, your beliefs, your emotions, your sense of humanity...but it's never truly been about comparison...it's about what you value, and what you see of that in yourself.

The greatest way to build self esteem is to identify what you value (in being a human being), and go about building that into yourself.

It will, of necessity, include standing up for yourself (respectfully).
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Reply Fri 7 Feb, 2014 08:29 pm
@chibi ren,
Comparison is the thief of joy. Stop comparing your life to hers. I'm sure there are things about your life (such as the fact that your relationship is with someone who is around all the time) that she envies.
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Romeo Fabulini
Reply Fri 7 Feb, 2014 08:34 pm
Hey Chibi, tell your friend that "international long distance relationships" like hers aren't really relationaships at all and are not worth a dime!
She's just jealous because you're in a proper local relationship..Smile
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Reply Sat 7 Jun, 2014 05:47 am
@chibi ren,
I think you are maybe just a little bored of your own life situation and wish for a more glamorous life. This is probably just a passing phase.

If it's any help, I can tell you that international long distance relationships are the dumbest relationships ever, because you are basically having a relationship with an imaginary friend, who sometimes comes over for a week and has sex with you.

I have been to several of these relationships in my life, and have found that those kinds of relationships are usually held together only by the excitement of 'being with a foreigner', 'feeling like an exotic foreigner', having these romantic moments in previously unknown locations and being able to substitute the partner's personality with a whole lot of imagination. You also start to identify with the foreign country where your partner lives, and it makes you feel special somehow. It's fun and romantic for a while, until the reality kicks in. Trust me, not something you will want to do long term. In a few months to a year, your friend will probably be envious to your local relationship.
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Romeo Fabulini
Reply Sun 8 Jun, 2014 04:45 am
Yes, long distance relationships are a waste of time if all the other person wants to do is talk on the phone or text or email instead of meeting up.
I bump into women like that on the net all the time, some even live in the same city as me but they still don't want to meet, so they let life pass them by..
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