How to have a responsible sex life?

Forums: Responsibility, Hiv, Relationships, Sex, Medical
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Hey everyone,
This a question that's been on my mind lately. Basically, given that HIV is a thing, I'm wondering how you can have a clear conscience and a sex life? As you can never know 100% for sure you don't have HIV (there is always some level of risk) and thus can never have completely risk-free sex, then what level of responsibility does one have in their own life to ensure that they are exposing others to as little risk as reasonably possible?
If someone uses a condom every time, fully discloses their sexual history prior to sex, gets tested once a year for HIV and other sti's, and only has sex in long term monogamous relationships -is that enough to achieve a clear conscience and be responsible while having a sex life?
I realize there is always something more you could do, but no one wants to live in a bubble and always wear gloves in public etc. There isn't much value in that life. As well, I feel like if I went more than once a year to get tested that it would genuinely be bad for my mental health.
So, what is your opinion? What is a good level of responsibility to take if you don't want to potentially expose others to risk, but still maintain sanity?
Thanks for your thoughts!

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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 2,461 • Replies: 18

@thinkmuch,

That's about as good as you can get it, and still have a life. Couple that with requesting that your partners all be tested yearly - maybe six months before or after you're tested. E. g. you get tested in January and your partner is tested in July.

1 Reply

@thinkmuch,

Monogamy may not be fashionable; but it has its merits. Alternately, I gave jespah a thumbs up.

1 Reply

@neologist,

Good morning, neologist. Yep, monogamy works, too. Smile

1 Reply

@jespah,

Monogamy has a big flaw in that you never can be truly certain that your relationship is mongamous.

The only thing that really works is celebacy.

3 Replies

@maxdancona,

Monogamy is all well and good, but beech is far easier to work with.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

even celibacy isn't 100% if you're worried about HIV transmission. it can still happen accidentally. it's actually a pretty negligible difference for risk of giving it between having safe sex with a monogamous partner while getting tested annually and being celibate but still living day to day life.
the only way to ensure you never get or give HIV to anyone is to kill yourself, truly. but i'd rather not do that, and rather not be lonely and celibate my whole life.

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@Lordyaswas,

Monogamy with a beech is my idea of Hell.

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@thinkmuch,

Even if you don't celibate your whole life, I hope you at least celibate on your birthdays.

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@thinkmuch,

I don't believe you think much. How do you allege that a celibate person will contract HIV? The only means that i can think of is intravenous drug use. Is that what you're on about? Because otherwise, that sounds like a load of superstitious claptrap.

1 Reply

@thinkmuch,

It's always possible, particularly for those in the medical profession, to accidentally come in contact with an improperly disposed of sharp. And it's always possible that one partner in a monogamous relationship will somehow become infected. But it's also possible that a meteorite will strike you while taking out the trash. There has to be a certain point where you just live your life in spite of its perils.

1 Reply

@Setanta,

there's lots of ways to acquire it. you can acquire HIV from blood splashes in the eye, from getting cut by something that someone just cut themselves on, sharing a razor accidentally, maybe you put your hand in some semen or blood without noticing and then rub your eyes? certain infected bodily fluids just have to get in certain bodily fluids of yours essentially without being exposed to the environment very long. These are all extremely unlikely, but still possible. same as two tested monogamous people using protection with each other. But, yeah, once you get to this point of theorizing, you may as well worry about planes falling on your head.

1 Reply

@jespah,

There's actually one more question I wanted to add to this.
So, say I do all that (tested once/year, always use a condom, sex only in monogamous relationships, divulge sexual history prior to sex), do you think it's also best to get tested between partners? For example: I was tested last October and normally would go next October. However, I had protected sex with one girl since last October, and I'm about to enter into a monogamous relationship with a different girl in the near future. Basically, should I get tested in between these relationships as well? Or this getting too excessive?
Keep in mind, I am fairly OCD and more tests does compromise my mental health, but I do want to have it "as good as I can get it while still living a life" as you so eloquently put it.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

Monogamy has a big flaw in that you never can be truly certain
that your relationship is mongamous.

The only thing that really works is celebacy.

Yes. There is less chance
of ex post facto false rape allegations from wife
or girlfriend, IF u have been fully celibate.

David

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@thinkmuch,

Yup, you're suffereing from superstitious terror.

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@neologist,

An excellent point, which i doubt will sink in.

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@thinkmuch,

I think you're feeding into your OCD and paranoia here.

Maybe wait until you're actually starting a relationship with someone (assuming you aren't, heh, starting it off with a quite literal bang) before getting tested yet again. And then stop, unless you have damned fine reasons to think you need to be fearful. And the fact that people out there might have HIV is not a good enough reason.

Also, a lot of the scenarios you've come up with - e. g. blood splashed into an eye - they are vanishingly small. See - http://www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS/SafeSex/Q186267.html?ic=2003

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@thinkmuch,

Responcible equals bc pill please read my post any advice would be appreciated I can't see a gyn or doctor no work no pay no money got these pills 3months supply with laSt money untill 0i get work please don't judge just try helping

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The people here that say "everyone is responsible for their actions" have a severe case of cranial rectal impaction !

Women have choices to help them cope with the results of their previous choices, MEN DO NOT ! According to the cop with the gun in his face ! Which is how all laws are inevitably ENFORCED. And YES men have laws that MAKE them responsible for their choices, women have none regarding their "choice".

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How to have a responsible sex life?

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