Thu 23 Jan, 2014 05:51 am
We have been married almost ten years. She cheated on me on Jan. 11th after talking with the guy online for two months. I found out and she still wants to see him and keep me. she says its just sex with him and nothing more but they went to the movies together and then a hotel for sex and are planning other things together before going to a hotel for sex. To me it sounds like more then just sex and she trying to build a relationship with him. Any help would be appreciated. Neither one of us can stay in the house alone bill wise. She can not go with him because he lives about an hour and a half away. should I try to stick with this or just call it quits. I love her so much and she says she loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of our lives. Please help....any woman that have been through this, maybe yoou can explain her feelings if it is just sex or more to it.
Don
@Don1963,
Quote:[she still wants to see him and keep me. she says its just sex with him and nothing more
So it's ok with you if she's only seeing him for sex!? Please read everything that you wrote again - maybe ten times - and think about how that looks when you write it down in black and white. Then think about it some more. You don't really need us to tell you that this situation isn't ok - and what your wife needs to do if she wants the marriage to last.
@Don1963,
I will just say this. I would never have to go to a forum such as this to ask what I should do in this situation. You shouldn't have had to either. I would have kicked her out the day I found out and she explained that she didn't want to stop seeing him. You can always find a more affordable place to live.
@Don1963,
The question is not what it means to her but rather what it means to YOU. You can always work the finances out, I say either kick her out or leave and go live with family or friends until she comes to her senses. This is a bunch of horse doo doo in my opinion. Stand your ground.
Kick her out. Now. Get yourself a new place if you can't afford your current one but you have to get out while you still can with some dignity intact. This woman is a user and is playing you like a cheap fiddle. Love her, hate her, it doesn't matter. This is about your peace of mind and your self worth. Treat yourself with respect and get her out of your life.
@Don1963,
Don1963 take a look at my post that i did recently. This might show ur not alone. But u do need to look at urself first and ask if u did something if u did something to make her feel she has to cheat. If u can whole heartedly say u did nothing then u shouldn't feel bad and just do whatever u can to move on. But while u r evaluating see a counselor to help with this about ur self. I did and im getting help in many ways. Now we are getting closer than before. I think she will try to reconnect with me now. But i am not focusing on that i am focused on making sure that i will be ok no matter what happens and this should be ur goal too.
@wthiwwm,
Sorry...but there is never a good excuse for cheating.
@Germlat,
it is not acceptable for cheating. however most reasons someone cheats is because the person cheated on is not doing something right to meet the other persons needs. or the other is that the cheater has psychopathic tendencies to demean themselves for attention from someone. i am sure that this post is about the latter but it doesnt hurt to confirm if there is no issues from his side either. she says she wwnts to spend the rest of her life with him but yet she wants to continue doing the cheating any ways. so they both needs to go for seperate counseling as well as couple therapy. she has serious narcissist issues for the reason that she has to get sexual attention from more than one person. and he might as well to cuz of the fact he feels that his world is changing too much for him to handle what is really happening
Don - I wonder why your self esteem is so low that you tolerate a cheating wife, who then tells you she loves you, and you believe it.
She is either a fist class manipulator or you are a chump.
SHE acts nuts. YOU need the counseling.
I'm sorry this happened. Best to you in the future.
The damage you're doing to your self-esteem is....is...words can't describe.
@Don1963,
I hope you can see you deserve better . Living arrangements can be tricky...it's only temporary...there are so many women out there who are willing to give so much for a real relationship. Don't give up. Good luck.
@Don1963,
You are kidding yourself if you believe her. You are only security to her. If it were just "sex" then it would only be sex. She has checked out of your marriage. You need to lawyer up and kick that trash to the curb. Once the forbidden fruit has been tasted it's over.
Now how on earth can you even allow her to have sex with this guy and still say you want it to pan out....wow. She has you over a barrel. Grow some balls and rid yourself of her.
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