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Mon 19 Apr, 2004 09:21 pm
Hi,I am new to this site and I need some help.I have been happlied married for almost 27 years,since I was 15.My husband is 51.He is having an age crisis,a very bad one.He came to me and told me he had been having an affair,and that it was over.This lasted 2 years,it was off and on,she works out of town every other week.For about 6 years we had very serious problems with our son starting at age 17.He was a bipolar alcholic and suicidal,doing semi better now.This was very hard on us.He said he was runnig away from the problems while still holding on to us.He says he now knows that this was not about us but about running away from the problems and his age.HMy husband had been very depressed during everything,to the point of suicidal.He would not get conseling and will not.Our problems seemed to be getting better but nowthe age thing is very bad.He feels like he is dying.He is thinking about leaving because here he feels like it is the end and he feels like he is dying.He says he loves me more than anything on earth and he tries to get rid of this feeling but can,t shake it.We are separate for a while for him to sort out his head.Is there any one who knows how to help with a severe age crisis?I am trying to be strong but it isn't working,for the first time in my life,I feel absolutely helpless.I am so afraid.I don't know anything else and don't want to I am normally such a fighter but am reduced to a big complete nothing with no mind to think with.This is the only man I've ever been with,loved and ever want to.Please give me some good feedback or help,please don't just call me an idiot.If someone could help me with age crisis help on this I would appreciate it,thanks for listening.
Even though you call it an age crisis I would bet that he suffers from bi-polar or just depression. You must get him to a counselor and then to medication if that's what is prescribed. You'll never be able to help his feelings of age and despair by yourself. As you can see, your battery is running down. It's not your fault. Be good to yourself.
Panzade's right. Your husband needs medical care. If he will not go to a therapist, at least get him to his doctor so that he can (a) check for any organic problems (disease), (b) prescribe medication and (c) be an authority to try to help convince your husband to see a psychiatrist.
And ask your husband's doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist.
If your husband still will not go, or if he will not even go to his own doctor for a checkup, go to the therapist alone, as this is hurting you, too, and you need to speak with someone who will listen and can perhaps give you other strategies for getting your husband the help he needs.
There is no shame in seeing a psychiatrist. The mind has illnesses, just like the body does. Just like it is no weakness to see your doctor if you have the flu, it is no weakness to seek out help if you are having problems.
And, I think Panzade may have hit it on the head. Since your son is bi-polar, that is sometimes (not always) inherited and it makes sense that your husband could have the same problem.
Best of luck to you.
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