MATURE WISDOM

An old man walks into a confessional.
The following conversation ensues:
Man: I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many
children,
grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking.
We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.
Priest: Are you sorry for your sins?
Man: What sins?
Priest: What kind of a Catholic are you?
Man: I'm Jewish
Priest: Why are you telling me all this?
Man: I'm telling everybody.

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An elderly man goes into a brothel
and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.
Surprised,
she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
"I'm 90 years old," he says.
"90!" replies the woman.
"Don't you realize you've had it?"
"Oh, sorry," says the old man, "how much do I owe you?"

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The famous sex therapist was on the
radio taking questions when a caller asked, "Doctor, I want to know,
why
do
men always want to marry a virgin?
To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."

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An old man went to his doctor and said,
"Doc,
I think I'm getting senile.
Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."
"That's not senility," replied the doctor.
"Senility is when you forget to zip down."

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Old Fred's hospital bed is surrounded by
well-wishers, but it doesn't look good. Suddenly, he motions
frantically
to
the pastor for something to write on. The pastor lovingly hands him a
pen
and a piece of paper, and Fred uses his last bit of energy to scribble
a
note, then dies.
The pastor thinks it best not to look at the note right away, so he
places
it in his jacket pocket.
At Fred's funeral, as the pastor is finishing his eulogy, he realizes
he's
wearing the jacket he was wearing when Fred died.
"Fred handed me a note just before he died," he says.
"I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of
inspiration in it for us all."
Opening the note, he reads aloud, "Help! You're standing on my oxygen
tube!"

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A man was just waking up from anesthesia
after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful."
Then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side.
A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're
cute!"
The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now
"cute."
She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off

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