I cheated 3 times .. help

Tell us why you want to be with him exclusively?

I love him and he does support me somewhat emotionally and also I guess he's been there since my son was 6 month so he's almost like a father to him.. we've become this little family and despite the really tough times its so hard to let go.. I feel like this is all I ever wanted but it never seems to be enough .. but I keep fighting for it everytime because I believe things will change.

I don't mean to be mean, but listen to yourself and wake up.

You think things will change? Ha Ha.

You have two babies, kiddo.

I've been hoping things would change I guess.
And explain how I have 2 babies ??

Ok, I'm going to address the elephant in the room that others did not address.

You have cheated on him 3 times in less than a year. This tells me you are not dedicated enough to make this work. You even try to excuse your cheating by claiming he made you do it! (Since, you know, he wasn't trying to make things work, then heck, you needed to go out and cheat on him.)

You say he is controlling, and that may be. But can you blame him? You've been cheating on him. I might try to be a bit controlling if I knew my wife had been cheating on me.

You may well have legitimate reasons for not staying with him. And if you don't think the two of you can work them out, then move on. But you get no points in my book for cheating on the guy. Break up and then screw anyone you want. But staying in a relationship that he expects to be exclusive while you run around cheating on him whenever things get tough is not fair to him.

Yeah I agree with you
Im hoping we can get through this as tough as it is and its hard because I feel so guilty all the time.. but if its meant to be it will work I guess

Another thing.. one difference is that you're married .. I'm 21 and am only growing up.. so I'm learning from these mistakes. . I can understand someone taking more control over a person when there married but I'm not.. no that doesn't excuse what I did but I'm not hiding anything.. ive been completely honest and admitted my mistakes.

Nope, there is no difference. I am in an exclusive relationship, just as you are in an exclusive relationship. The difference is that mine is recognized by the state as a marriage. But the exclusivity of your relationship is the same. Or should be.

Another excuse if you ask me. You knew cheating on him was wrong but you chose to do it anyway. Don't excuse your behavior. Hopefully you do learn from your mistakes. And hopefully, if it is what you both want, your relationship can overcome this mistake.

It is not about control. I don't control my wife, nor does she control me. But then, we TRUST each other because neither of us would ever do anything to hurt the other. That is called LOVE. You were in an exclusive relationship. He trusted you. You broke that trust. You are telling him you still want to be only with him. Don't you get why he is now trying to be a bit controlling? He does not TRUST you. If you want the relationship to last, it is on you to do everything you can to restore that trust. And yes, that might mean for a while having to deal with him trying to be a bit controlling.

Fantastic. This is the first step to restoring trust. But you both need to keep communicating. You both need to go out and do stuff together. You both need to want to get past your cheating and rebuild the trust that YOU destroyed. But recognize that it won't be easy for him.

All of what I've written is assuming that prior to your cheating, he was not controlling. (Your OP did not indicate that was a problem.) If he was beforehand, then the best thing you can do is walk away since your actions will not lessen his controlling nature.

Anyway, if you both want the relationship to work out, then I wish you both all the luck in the world. But you need to commit to it and stop going outside the relationship. Or just dump him and as I wrote before, THEN go out and screw whomever you wish. But have the decency to at least end the exclusivity with him first.

Good luck.

Thanks for your advice :-)