my ex wants space but still has feelings for me

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First time I have posted on here. So I met this girl at a wedding. She happened to be the sister of the bride who is a friend of mine. We had an instant connection, but she lives on the other side of the country (she lives in wa I live in qld). She returned to perth. After a month or so I sent her a text msg. From that moment we were in constant conract. She ended up moving to qld. We lived together here for 9 months. During this time I found out she had been in a previous relationship which was physically abusive. So as a result of this she still suffered nightmares and got flashbacks. She hid it well snd said she was afraid to tell me because she didn't want to bring me down etc. I assured her that it was 100% not her fault and that I loved her. I would be there for her always and would assist her through it in anyway I could. She tried hard here but eventually said she needed to return to Perth to face her fears. Not the guy directly. Just she needed to be there so she felt she could overcome it. She left and it was so hard. We kept in touch and then we decided I would move there. I did. Things were great at first but I couldn't find a job. Stress began to build She was still getting nightmares. We bumped into her ex once and it really shook her. From then things just got worse. I felt she didn't love me anymore. She told me I should return to qld. So I booked flight. Night before I left she cried her eyes out saying don't leave. I didn't mean it. I felt devastated. I thought she wanted me too. Next day I left. I have been back for about a month now. We keep in touch. I want to return. At first she wanted me too as well. But now she said she needs space. That she has to sort out herself out in order to be happy. She doesn't want a relationship with anyone. She said she loves me. But doesn't know how long it will take and that she doesn't think its fair for me to be kept in the dark. That its not fair on me to wait. But I love her so much. I am willing to wait I dont want a new relationship. Im keeping busy by going to gym. Swimming. Hangingwith friends. Ive told her I will wait because I believe in us. Am I doing the wrong thing????

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@sooooconfused,

Put a timetable on it.

There's just so long you can be a nice boyfriend about this. So make your decision. Will it be a year? Six months? The minute the communications begin to slow down? Something else? Just, pick something. Don't commit yourself forever. It makes you the schmo that she turns to when other options are exhausted, and it keeps you from following up with the cute girl at the gym who doesn't have so many damned issues.

And insist that your ex get some therapy. Moving back in order to confront her fears, etc., without a professional's backing, sounds an awful lot like an excuse to just bolt because things weren't perfect, or she missed her home. So at least be kind enough to suggest strongly that she get some needed medical attention for this.

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@sooooconfused,

You must insist that she get therapy. All aspects of her life are suffering because of what has happened in the past. You will never have a complete relationship until she comes to terms with whatever is bothering her. This is not fair to you.

Insist on her getting help or this will end up exhausting you in the end.

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@jespah,

Thankyou for your reply. I actually suggested she see someone about it. She did for a while when she was in qld. It helped her a lot. Then the person she was seeing told her to confront her past. To return to Perth. That I was a positive influence on her because I said I would follow her over. But she didn't keep seeing anyone when she returned to perth. Which I think was not a good idea. I think she was extremely brave to go back but I really think she should of continued talking to someone. I love her so much which is why I want to continue to support her. Its just so confusing.

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@PUNKEY,

I agree sometimes you have to go backwards to take the next step forward. She has always been a individual type person. Im not sure if thats how to put it. I just mean she has always been able to get through life without any assistance. She is proud of that. I respect that a lot about her. Everything she has she has worked hard for. She knows she has to be happy with herself in order to be happy in a relationship which I also respect. Because she could take the easy way out and just continue to go through life upset. I admire the fact she doesn't want to string me along. Because she knows its not fair on me. But its one of the many reasons I love her so much. She has always put others first. Thats why I want her to know im there for her in her time of need.

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@sooooconfused,

Well, you're right that she needs to get back into therapy. If she doesn't know anyone in Perth, she can ask her therapist in Qld to make a recommendation.

You're a good person but you're not a professional and you really can't fix this on your own.

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my ex wants space but still has feelings for me

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