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How long should I wait before I can safely assume he is never coming back

 
 
Reply Sat 9 Nov, 2013 06:45 am
I've been in a long distance relationship with a guy I met online for about 10 months now. It started out as something fun, nothing too serious. I only kept in touch with him at first because I figured it couldn't hurt. Worst case scenario, we lose touch for a week. Best case scenario, I get a new pen pal who tells me I'm pretty from time to time.

But as time went on, and the longer we kept in touch, we started to notice that we had lots of things in common. And eventually, we started to develop strong feelings for each other. And so we began a new relationship that neither of us expected, but it was no less wonderful.

We were planning to meet sometime last summer, but due to family issues on both sides, we have yet to meet in person. But didn't hinder our relationship. We stuck through together, and were always there for each other.

Lately though, I don't know what's up with him. He started a new job that is quite demanding. No one is really taking the time to train him, so he's taking it upon himself learn about as much as he can on his own. He works late and often has more work to do at home. And it doesn't help that his phone is broken and waiting for a replacement in the mail. So in order to talk to me, he has to borrow someone elses phone, tablet or computer to get in touch with me. So chances I get to talk to him have been pretty sporadic.

I understand that the reason why he hasn't been in touch, is because he's super busy. But it's been almost two weeks since I heard from him, usually he checks in on me by now. And the last time we talked he gave no indication that he was upset, or done with the relationship. We spoke for a couple hours catching up. He also mentioned about how he misses me, thinks about me and how he was really happy that he was able to catch me at a time that I wasn't busy.

I'm really worried something happened to him, and I really want him to come back. But in the case he doesn't, how long should I wait before I give up?
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jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 9 Nov, 2013 08:31 am
Write him a letter. You know, the kind with paper and stamps and an address with a ZIP code. And ask him for an ETA on when things will be back to more or less normal.

He might know, he might not (but this long to fix a phone is getting into the absurdity range; usually an issue this complex is solved by simply replacing the unit and calling it a day). He might not answer (which is an answer unto itself). This letter, though, accounts for another 10 - 14 days or so.

Can you wait without the letter? Technically, yes, but at least you'll feel you've done something.

Don't have a snail mail address for him? Then consider what that means, in terms of the great continuum that is human intimacy.
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Abishai100
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Nov, 2013 02:13 pm
@hazelirene,
I've been thinking a lot about this emotion question, since it seems that it is almost always difficult to understand or assume the intentions of someone else.

I studied psychology in college, and one thing I investigated is the human tendency to assume that others are thinking the same way as us. Maybe this is why we romanticize criminals such as bank robbers --- maybe they meant to be Robin Hood.

I would give the person in question three months maximum and if the answers received are still vague, it is ok to personally assume that the person is not willing or capable of committing.

In the meantime, don't fall in love with a scoundrel thinking they may be Robin Hood...
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JimmyJ
 
  1  
Reply Tue 17 Dec, 2013 01:03 pm
@hazelirene,
He met a female in real life.
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anonymously99
 
  1  
Reply Thu 19 Dec, 2013 08:21 pm
@hazelirene,
If you feel the two of you are not likely to ever meet in person then be done with him. Move one. Find a real life person. Being stuck on an illusion of someone is painful. If you be done now it will save you the great amount of stress that awaits if you choose to hold on.
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LiveLoughLaugh24
 
  1  
Reply Sun 5 Jan, 2014 01:32 pm
@hazelirene,
Dear Hacelirne,
I would wait another couple weeks. If things don't improve. Express your needs. Let him know that you understand that he is busy and want to give him as much time as he needs to get acquanted with his new but that you would like to hear from him a little more. Let him know you miss talking to him. I am a fairly busy person my self so I know what it's like to barely have time to chat however when Im committed to some one or interested I'll make it a point to communicate with that person at least once a day. There are so many ways to communicate these days. there's the library where you get online and send an email. cell phone (most phones these days have the capabilities of sending emails) he could borrow some ones phone to make a quick phone call or send a quick text I've done that before he could send you a letter...there are sooo many ways. If he hasn't thought of them perhaps you could suggest it to him ina friendly way
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