Sun 27 Oct, 2013 12:29 pm
Hi! So, I've known this guy for like 5 years. We've been pretty close friends since college, always sharing conversations about interests, school and such. I always thought of him as pretty cool, but often very reserved, yet seriously outgoing and not shy to talk to random strangers. I thought of him as a possible interest for dating, but I had a boyfriend by then for two years. Recently we broke up (like the beginning of this month) and I've been trying to get over my ex (in all honesty, it wasn't even working well near the end of the first year). But now the 5-year guy happened to land the same job and position as me, so we're working as co-workers. It would have been fine and all, but he confessed his interest in me last year while I was on my break from my ex. We're still cool, but idk I think he's still interested, yet he's so damn reserved. I know it's bad to date co-workers, and while we have alot in common, and he does care, help me out, and cheers me up, I'm having constant conflicts of being interested and saying he's just a friend. I think it's part of the process of getting over my ex. But still, I feel bad because, now that I think about it, sometimes I ignore him or act cold/distant when he wants to help me. I'm such a jerk...am I slightly falling for him or am I trying to find an excuse to be with someone after my break-up? I do care for him, but I'm scared that despite our commonality, what if we do try to get together and things don't work well? Should I try? And how long should I wait, because I'm in no mood to really try things at the moment... I'm really sorry if there are any contradictions! I'm so confused and trying to get over things at this time that I don't really know anymore. Any feedback will help! Thank you guys for your help!
I'll be brief with my advice:
Take some much needed time
to heal yourself first
before you get involved with anyone else, much less get involved with someone with a circumstance like you describe. You're clearly hurting and you are lonely and need comfort, but getting into a romantic relationship is the last thing you should do now, based on what you have said here.
Also you've indicated that previous relationship was in trouble after the first year but you chose to continue it for 4 more years? That sounds pretty troubling. Maybe you might benefit from seeing some sort of a counselor. I don't know what to tell you there.
Good luck with your healing.
Thank you @Ragman. I think I need to clarify: my ex and I dated for 2 years, but the 5 year guy is a separate person that I have known during the time from college to now at work.
I agree with Ragman. I don't think you are over your ex - but don't let this guy get away. Be honest with him and suggest you spend some casual time to get to know one another.
But easy does it. No need to make any kind of commitment.
(There's nothing like getting a new love to get you over the past love)
Yes, I understand they are 2 different guys.