Hi Guys! I needed a favour, could you comment on the text below

Nir you write better'n I do

…for what that's worth

Excessively long sentences with too many commas in them. Uses 119 words to say what could be expressed in around 30.

Hi,

Here are a few suggestions and comments for you:

1) You need a comma after "Contributing to difficulties in maintaining such positions[INSERT COMMA]"

2) Remove the comma splice from "This is because they create a significant necessity for manufacturers to not only more precisely monitor markets [NO COMMA] but also generate and adapt their products in-line with them."

3) Remove the comma splice from "Failure to implement such practices can result in overlooked market opportunities [NO COMMA] and hence an inability to capitalize upon them."

4) Your last sentence is rather awkward. I would recommend using '-' to make it easier to read like this: "However, whilst this appears to be a prerequisite--to be truly competitive--manufacturers must not only generate products, processes[COMMA -but personal style] and services that are in-line with the market[NO COMMA - this is a comma splice] but also innovative, and therefore [add word? 'stay'] ahead of it.

I would give your writing a 7. You have good use of phrases such as infinitive phrases, and your cohesion is good. However, you need to brush up on the basics, especially comma splice rules. Only independent clauses joined by a conjuction can have commas ( [Moderator note: link removed] ).

Good luck though!

Guardian of Grammar Team,
[Moderator note: link removed]

Forgive, Gram, but totally disagree; for reasons you will argue contradict what I maintain at the last below and which might need separate treatment

Agree here. But what's the diff
It's subtle

Agree here too

Sorry Gram but yours bothers me because not clear whether the prerequisite or the mfr's action required to be truly competitive. If the latter then maybe we ought to remove the second dash

….but Gram I agree here too. The lack of comma seems to imply processes and services are more closely interconnected than products and processes

Gram, this is a real toughie and might require an entirely new thread. Sometimes it is okay to put the comma in the "wrong" place, and this might be such an instance. However I'd then remove the second one

--only personal style, I can't really defend it