Interesting Discovery - What Woud You Do?

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Hi everyone

So here's my scenario. I discovered a guy contact my wife on her FB account last year but has only recently (August) contacted her again and they have been dialoging. Her FB account was open on her laptop recently and I had a quick look but didn't expect to see that conversation.

Its been 13 years since we married so he probably knew her 14 years ago, she never dated but he seems to be a flirt, she cannot remember him - but he remembers her, he has been asking her to remember how naughty he was, how must he liked to hear her voice, how he wants to call her etc etc. He lives overseas so there is definitely no chance of meeting her. My wife and I have one son so she wouldn't have an affair in real, but I think she may have some "online fun" if this guy continues, a side she doesn't show me, so maybe this is an escape for her.

She has asked for him to chat to her on Yahoo Messenger etc but I know they have not chatted as yet, as he has not opened an account (And the time difference is an issue). She would chat from work if she got the chance, but it would most likely mean it will be really early morning or late night for him.

I was wondering if anyone can suggest how to use this info to my advantage. Should I open up a chat account and befriend her as the guy and see what she reveals? I know women have fantasies about being with other guys so wondering whether this may actually be a good thing and allow me to spice up the marriage by getting her to reveal some secret fantasies she has to me (as I pretend to be the guy)?

I am trying to prevent the guy from contacting her in real and then me not knowing what they are talking about, if I opened up an account and pretended to be the guy I may discover another side to her and even steer her to be a bit more naughty with me at home, but I feel really guilty pretending.

So should I -

1) pretend I don't know that she is talking to the guy
2) wait for something to happen with this other guy and her chatting from work without me knowing (that I feel is a risky choice as I won't know what they are talking about!)
3) pretend I am the guy and see where the conversation goes
4) confront her but she will deny anything as its very early stages of conversation from what I have read so far (she has not said anything naughty but he keeps asking her to remember how naughty he was when he chatted and spoke to her 14 years ago)

I think I caught the conversation just in time on FB, and I believe she's just looking for some excitement to spice things up in her life. Any advice appreciated as I am not sure who to ask

Thanks in advance - any suggestions?

marriedguy1

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@marriedguy1,

marriedguy1 wrote:

Hi everyone

So here's my scenario. I discovered a guy contact my wife on her FB account last year but has only recently (August) contacted her again and they have been dialoging. Her FB account was open on her laptop recently and I had a quick look but didn't expect to see that conversation.

Its been 13 years since we married so he probably knew her 14 years ago, she never dated but he seems to be a flirt, she cannot remember him - but he remembers her, he has been asking her to remember how naughty he was, how must he liked to hear her voice, how he wants to call her etc etc. He lives overseas so there is definitely no chance of meeting her. My wife and I have one son so she wouldn't have an affair in real, but I think she may have some "online fun" if this guy continues, a side she doesn't show me, so maybe this is an escape for her.

She has asked for him to chat to her on Yahoo Messenger etc but I know they have not chatted as yet, as he has not opened an account (And the time difference is an issue). She would chat from work if she got the chance, but it would most likely mean it will be really early morning or late night for him.

I was wondering if anyone can suggest how to use this info to my advantage. Should I open up a chat account and befriend her as the guy and see what she reveals? I know women have fantasies about being with other guys so wondering whether this may actually be a good thing and allow me to spice up the marriage by getting her to reveal some secret fantasies she has to me (as I pretend to be the guy)?

I am trying to prevent the guy from contacting her in real and then me not knowing what they are talking about, if I opened up an account and pretended to be the guy I may discover another side to her and even steer her to be a bit more naughty with me at home, but I feel really guilty pretending.

So should I -

1) pretend I don't know that she is talking to the guy
2) wait for something to happen with this other guy and her chatting from work without me knowing (that I feel is a risky choice as I won't know what they are talking about!)
3) pretend I am the guy and see where the conversation goes
4) confront her but she will deny anything as its very early stages of conversation from what I have read so far (she has not said anything naughty but he keeps asking her to remember how naughty he was when he chatted and spoke to her 14 years ago)

I think I caught the conversation just in time on FB, and I believe she's just looking for some excitement to spice things up in her life. Any advice appreciated as I am not sure who to ask

Thanks in advance - any suggestions?

marriedguy1

Just as you suggest a "side of her that you did not know about"...it sounds like this might be a "side" of you that she doesn't know about.

Nicely as this can be said, this entire thing sounds twisted.

You might try talking to her right out front...but you also might consider talking with a psychiatrist or psychologist about what is going on with you.

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She's flirting.
You snooped.
Instead of trying to find out why your wife is seeking attention from an old flame, you want to continue the charade.

Deal with the issue of why your wife is distracted from your marriage.

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@marriedguy1,

Some background info... before judging me ...

We married 13 years, was a long distance relationship so didn't know each other much in person, very busy lives these days, busy work, long travel times to and from work, kid at home, she's very conservative (haven't been able to get her to open up about sex even though I've tried alot), most of her family are overseas.

I have tried to spice things up, gets quite hard when its all one sided though.

So maybe this guy chatting to her is an escape for her, and I understand that. Heck I'd like an escape sometimes too!

I just don't want it escalating. So either I confront her about it, or tell her I love her and spend more time with her to distract her from this chatting with this guy

I wasn't snooping when I found the Facebook conversation, we share laptops and the account was open and I just happened to glance and see the conversation there.

Any more thoughts - I value your opinions.

Thanks

marriedguy1

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Why don't you just ASK???

Like, say: "Hey, what's with this fella Bob? He's getting really chummy with you. Do I need to give you more attention?"

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Interesting Discovery - What Woud You Do?

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