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Tue 15 Oct, 2013 02:54 pm
Hello, my SO and I have been together for 10 months, and I have 7 kids and he has 3, only one of his lives with us.... We moved into a house in July, with the intentions of buying it after his home sold at the end of September. There is 8 children involved, and have all settled in and are happy with being a blended family. We have rules and guidelines and chores and all is fair. Things have been a little rocky with the children in regards to listening and doing their chores, but in all fairness they don't really have anything in the way of organization (ie: Dressers, shelves) and both my SO and I have agreed that once they are provided with these things, it'll be easier for them to stay organized and clean up after themselves.
Anyhow.... I find out last week that my SO has gone behind my back and bought another house just for him and his daughter! He says he still loves me and wants to stay together, but he just needs his own space.... he wants to have his things his way so he won't be stressed out anymore..... He says he will still stay at my place but have his home as a fall back if he needs "his space".
I think this is a ridiculous idea, and that it is NOT fair in the least. I told him that is the most selfish thing anyone could ever do and that a decision this big should have been made together. I have been working very hard to get him to see that this WILL work.....
Please help with some advice.... he is a wonderful man and is a good role model for my children... I just don't know what to do or say to get him to change his mind.
Thank You
@riderfan,
WELCOME to the forum!
A lot depends on
whether he used
HIS OWN money
or yours for the other real estate.
David
@OmSigDAVID,
Thanks David!
He used his own money from the sale of his previous home.... But the problem lies where we were planning our future in the house we moved into together..... and were going to use those funds to purchase our together house.
@riderfan,
apparently his plans are changed.
I realize it's been only 4 months, but seven kids and they have nothing to help them get organized (dressers, etc.) ?
I can't imagine the chaos and apparently he can't either.
If he's going to stay with you, insist that he help you organize your home and fill the children's needs. Then maybe things will calm down enough for him to stay home.
I have to agree with David. He's changed his plans - in a great big way, and you are not part of the plan. So it sounds, anyway.
@riderfan,
riderfan wrote:Thanks David!
He used his own money from the sale of his previous home....
But the problem lies where we were planning our future in the house we moved into together.....
and were going to use those funds to purchase our together house.
Maybe the best strategy is to be as nice to him as possible.
Charm him closer.
David
Going from a situation of relative tranquillity, just himself and his daughter, to one where there are seven other children must be one hell of a culture shock, especially for his daughter.
I'm a widower with two children and I wouldn't be able to do it, no matter how much I loved the mother of the seven children.
@izzythepush,
izzythepush wrote:
I'm a widower with two children and I wouldn't be able to do it, no matter how much I loved the mother of the seven children.
Who are you giving advice to?
@Foofie,
Not you, or my advice would be try reading a book for once.
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