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Friends of opposite gender ok to have after disrespect, hurtful disloyalty?

 
 
Reply Thu 10 Oct, 2013 12:39 pm
I need some opinions please just to get what others think about this situation.

Let’s say you’re in a relationship that’s going on 2 years and the person is living with you, has been actually for over a year. Now about 9 months ago, you learn that the person you’re with had been flirting, sexting other women the entire time. From before the moment you met to when you caught him. On top of, constantly messaging a former best friend of yours bashing u, and declaring love for her n not u n are with you cuz he can’t have her. Now, after you learn all this, see all the photos and read all the messages, you fight, he declares he’s sorry, he was stupid, he didn’t mean any of it and that he will do whatever it takes to make up for it and fix the trust damage as best he can no matter what it takes or how long it takes. You agree and give one chance. You wanna see if he’s for real. So part of the stipulations were no secrets, access to everything if asked and open n honest, If he gets contacted by any female or if he contacts one, he needs to tell you. He also needs to drop from his phone and online profile, any female he’s been inappropriate with during your relationship. Because sadly, u discover a few you met recently at that point were some he was hitting on. Days after that fight, you discover the photos he had of other women, he deleted out of his phone but not before he forwarded them to his email. And, he did clean up his friend list on FB but not thoroughly, for some girls still remain and to this day are STILL on there since you brought it up a few months ago.

A few months later, you see he wasn’t sexting anymore or that you could tell but did see he was browsing the photos of some other women he supposedly cut out for you on their profiles. You saw that on his phones web history then noticed that night after seeing it, he deleted the history.

Then a few months ago, you discover he emailed a few females who’ve yet replied and helped another fix her car and give her a good deal on it. You overlook it because he said the emails were to a former co worker and wanted to see if they were hiring where she is and he simply forgot to tell you about it cuz he’s so busy at work, and the one he helped, he was gonna tell ya but you hit him up n found out before he could due to her FB update that same day.

Last week, you discover not only has he deleted some text trails on his cell phone but also he hit up another female and also tried to get another friend of the female friend he hooked up at work a job at his place of business, and he hadn’t told you about it. So you bring it up. And he gets angry, telling you he knows he hurt you and traumatized you but you need to let it go. He should be able to hit up friends just to see how they’re doing without a problem from you. You should trust him and that he’s not doing anything bad or wrong. And ends the night with that’s it, he’s over it. He’s done. And goes to sleep.

What are your thoughts? Is it right for him to hit up females he doesn’t talk to anymore or for a long while with “Hi” texts and “Hey stranger how ya been?” messages? I don't believe it is and I believe this guy still hasn't rebuilt any trust let alone be okay to have girl friends with no issues about it.
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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 1,559 • Replies: 9
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PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Thu 10 Oct, 2013 01:44 pm
If he is SEEKING attention from other women, then that speaks for itself.

What is going on with him that he can't let this constant connecting with lots of women alone?

Prepare for a lifetime of this BS, should you marry him. He's an unabashed flirt and needs constant female attention from many women.

JfonsecaOC
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Oct, 2013 02:04 pm
@PUNKEY,
Thank you for your response. This situation is heavy in my heart and my common sense agrees, my heart, says maybe.....it'll be ok. But truly. Thank you for your input.
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Thu 10 Oct, 2013 02:04 pm
@JfonsecaOC,
You clearly don't trust him because he betrayed your trust before. However, he's still not acting trustworthy. You know what you need to do...don't you?

Sorry to say...but he just is not in the clear.
JfonsecaOC
 
  2  
Reply Thu 10 Oct, 2013 02:06 pm
@Ragman,
honestly, my sense says let him go. Cut ties n move on. My heart just wants to believe in him. However, if this was to happen to any friend of mine, I'd tell him/her to end it.
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Thu 10 Oct, 2013 02:09 pm
@JfonsecaOC,
IMHO, then...you have common sense. Of course, as with most love relationships, common sense is often irrelevant. And, when that happens, it leaves a scar.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Thu 10 Oct, 2013 02:55 pm
@JfonsecaOC,
Quote:
the person is living with you, has been actually for over a year


Is he distraught at up-setting you because he is living with you and has no where to go if you were to kick him out? Or, that he'd have to pay rent by himself, if you were to leave? Has he really ever contributed to the bills, the workload of sharing a house, the food ?

I ask this as it may also give you a clearer picture of who you are with and have been with the past 2 years.

You state he was like this before you met. Only you found out 9 months into the relationship. 2 Years on, you are still trying to ascertain whether you should give him a chance or not, as it's still going on.

Communicating with the opposite sex is, in my opinion, perfectly fine if there are boundries.. Such as non-flirting. Flirting, sexting, hooking up, lying, cheating, ignoring people's feelings and continuing.

You all ready know is not what a relationship is all about.

Good luck... Move on.. There is someone better out there for you.

JfonsecaOC
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Oct, 2013 02:45 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
No he has a place to go if we dont work, and he does help out financially.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Oct, 2013 02:54 pm
@JfonsecaOC,
This is not working for you. Have you decided this is your life?
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Oct, 2013 03:31 pm
@JfonsecaOC,
Back with his parents? Where he hates it, no freedom?

Does he buy you flowers, for no reason? Take you out for dinner? Help you around the house? Share "equal" financial responsibilities?

Besides that, if you found out 9 months ago and it's 2 years later and he hasn't changed doesn't that tell you something?
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