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Is this common?...Does this happen to other people too?...

 
 
pg12316
 
Reply Tue 1 Oct, 2013 05:59 pm
My name is Greg...

When I was a kid my father was harsh...He was very strict...I would get beatings when I acted up...Which I understand is good, but not in this case...In some ways I think he went over the limit...As in, he pushed me around like a little bi**h sometimes...He put fear into me, and used it to control me...My mother and father were divorced...But unlike most kids who are sad that their parents aren't together, I'm wasn't...I was happy they weren't together because I hated my father deeply...I couldn't bare to live with him...I still do hate him deeply...To get to the point, I'm gay too...He doesn't know it, and my mother doesn't know it...When I was younger, I noticed how other dads in different races seemed to be nicer to their children...I'm African American and so is my mother and father...My dad was black and was mean and I hated him...I noticed that white men seemed to treat their kids nicely, and their kids loved them...So, having an immature mind as a child...I thought white men were good and black men were bad...Also, my dads friends have the same "mentality" as most black men do (That mentality which I hate deeply)...My dads friends treated their kids the same way my dad treated me...At the same time, I was gay and didn't even know it yet...So I grew up being more attracted to white men, or any other race of men besides black men...White men mostly...So for example...Let's say if I were to go to the bank, and the teller is a black male...Inside I would be angry because I would rather have an attractive white male...Just like dating, I would rather see white, Hispanic and Arab men...Not black...Even to this day, I still have a strong hate for my father...I just don't like him at all...I'm 20 now...He just recently forced himself back into my life...He says "I will need him in the long run" because when he was my age he says was the same way...He says that throughout his life he always went back to his father or something ...He didn't like his father when he was my age either...But my dad isn't gay, and doesn't hate black men...So he and I are totally different...He has no idea about this...After I graduated in 2011 I cut him out of my life altogether, and was happy I didn't have to deal with him anymore...But just this year is when he forced his way back in...I'm miserable again...When I'm around him, I want to kill myself...He just doesn't understand...

Is this common?...Children being mistreated by one parent of a certain race, and the child growing up disliking that race of men or women and only being attracted to a different race of men and women that he or she "thinks" is nicer?...I understand at my more mature age that not all white men are good, and all black men are bad...But in the end, I still dislike black men because of my father...

Also...I only dislike black men...Not black women...I have no problem with black women or women at all...
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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 828 • Replies: 4
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neologist
 
  2  
Reply Wed 2 Oct, 2013 12:42 am
@pg12316,
Sooner or later a mature individual must carry on in spite of his upbringing. Its sort of like saying to yourself "Were I raised by perfect parents, I would have such and such traits." You must then work on developing those traits. To do any less is to give power over yourself to someone outside yourself.

Short answer, I know. But that's it, essentially.
OmSigDAVID
 
  2  
Reply Wed 2 Oct, 2013 03:43 am
@pg12316,
Maybe, u can move away??
Put yourself beyond his reach?

Move to another location in another city ?
pg12316
 
  1  
Reply Wed 2 Oct, 2013 12:27 pm
@neologist,
Thank You For Your Answer!...I understand...I'll just have to stand up to him and tell him to stay away from me...He does try to control my life in subliminal ways...He's a pretty good manipulator...He loves manipulating others...
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pg12316
 
  1  
Reply Wed 2 Oct, 2013 12:29 pm
@OmSigDAVID,
Yes...I still live at home...But when I do move, I will move away from him...
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