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Hi,i have been in a relationship with this lady and we will be three years this weekend,Our sex has been ok since we started having tumble downs early this year, Now she says she is not feeling sex at all, I asked her if i satisfy her,if i turn her on and if she has other interest and she said none of the above are happening, She keeps on saying she has a lot on her head which is carrying expenses of her own(Rent and other expenses) as well as pressure from work, I try to go with her flow by explaining to me that she finds it very difficult to get horny or even to think about having sex but my hormones are really active that i get very frustrated when i want to have sex with her and she just turns me away by not feeling it, I need help as this is really pushing me away

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@dvon,

Maybe be a bit more sensitive to her issues. How about listening to her when she vents and maybe even offering to help her with whatever you can do in order to ease her mind.

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What is a "tumble down"?

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@contrex,

Well she had just wanted a break out of the blue explaining that i was angry and insecure and she advised me to go counselling which i did but whilst we on the break she decided that she would be having other male companions without explaining that she would be doing so

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@jespah,

I try it most of the time, like when we have that moment where it is only us, i try to get the four play thing going which works sometimes but most of the time she just throws it away, I guess i should be more patient because it has been almost 5 months now since this started

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You probably need a new girlfriend, or better, a break from girls.

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@dvon,

How about instead of trying to screw her all the time, you maybe actually, I dunno, treat her like a person? Listen to her problems, offer to help her.

If I was too tired and stressed out from too many responsibilities, I would respond a lot more favorably to someone offering to pick up my dry cleaning or do my dishes rather than a hand snaking down my pants all the time. But hey, that's just me.

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@contrex,

The tricky part is it has been improving but only the sex is the problem

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@dvon,

She has these work and financial pressures and you think about sex, even pressuring her about it.

Don't you get the HINTS? She either needs a break from the sex or it's just not there for you anymore.

Move on. She has issues that are distracting her.

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@jespah,

I really respect your thoughts,I guess i think too much of trying to have sex rather than trying to listen why she is not getting the feelings, I will try harder to understand how she wants to tackle it

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@PUNKEY,

What issues could those be?

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@dvon,

Didn't you tell us that she has financial and work problems? Those can cause issues i.e. depression, anxiety, distractibility, sleep deprivation.

Sex is about the last thing on a person's mind when going through things like that.

So she either has these issues - or she's just not turned on by you any more and it's time you moved on.

In any case, you need to LISTEN to her and try to figure out what she is saying and what she needs from you.

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@PUNKEY,

Thank you for your opinion but these are things that i have asked her and she said it is none of them, She said maybe if we could go counselling together i could understand what she is going through her mind and she says she truly loves me and does not want us apart,it is a stage where she cannot really explain what is going on but she is just not feeling it

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