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Fri 23 Aug, 2013 03:41 am
So you guys are pretty honest, and have been helping me through a lot of the issues that I deal with. Question is if I go back to being a "friend" after 5 years of being a boyfriend, what will that be like? Has anyone gone through this? I have no clue what the rules are, but I assume that they will just be our rules to friendship. Dont overtext, dont over call, dont ever see, dont over drool over each other. lol. I have no clue. She is the love of my life, and I messed up. At this point does not want to get back together because I hurt her by lying and she wants to respect herself as she thinks it could be disrespectful to simply return with me. She suggested being friends to help each other grow as people, mature, and help each other heal.
What can I say, I wanted to get back together with her, but I knew it was a lost battle. We both accepted to be friends, and left it at that, and I will see what being friends is like. It will be hard. Not sure how ill focus at work, but oh well. At same time, its kinda exciting, to think that she and I can be friends, and do friend things. There will be some tough parts about it because we LOVE EACH OTHER! But I am willing to give it a go. What are the chances of getting back together this year or next year, or the year after that. I know I'm thinking very long term, but I love her and this thought has been crossing my mind. Has anyone gone from bf to friend to bf or husband?
@carlosc2dbz,
Perhaps it's time to move on. As you indicated in other threads, you messed up big time. You need to think about what you've done and understand and learn about being less controlling.
Frankly, considering what has happened, you broke the trust. Unlikely there is going to be a real friendship.
@carlosc2dbz,
Sounds like she's trying to let you down gently.
She's been trying to distance herself from you already - but you weren't picking up on the clues.
This friend role - accept it as what it is - do not look at it as part of a track back to boyfriend or anything else.
You don't have a choice. Be a friend and go from there.
And pull back on the "love" stuff. She does not want that.
@carlosc2dbz,
carlosc2dbz wrote:Question is if I go back to being a "friend" after 5 years of being a boyfriend, what will that be like? Has anyone gone through this?
Why not? I don't know about five years, but I've done it after one year. It worked fine. It's been 22 years ago, and we're still friends, or at least friendly. (I've moved a quarter of a planet away since, so we don't meet much anymore.)
carlosc2dbz wrote:I have no clue what the rules are, but I assume that they will just be our rules to friendship.
I think that's a good starting point. And if something about this arrangement doesn't work for one of you, you can talk about it. Right? That's what people in functional friendships do, whether they have sex or not. No need to tie yourself down with rules too much.
carlosc2dbz wrote:Has anyone gone from bf to friend to bf or husband?
Liz Taylor and Richard Burton come to mind. Life is messier than rulebooks give you room for, so there's no reason why it couldn't happen. But the question for now is, are you content being just friends? If you are, by all means go ahead and be friends. But the description of your heartache sounds as if you may not be content with it, so think hard if the dim hope of being a couple again is worth the heartache or not. In the end, only you can answer that.
@Ragman,
Yeah I did mess up big time in the sense that I went behind her back and broke her trust and caused her and her family pain. The fact is that I love her, and despite her making this decision, she still loves me. We cant be together at this time, oh well. I will enjoy being her friend, and move forward. I will meet other people. Who knows what the future holds, I will move on, but she has such a big place in my heart and I have one in her heart as well, and I will always feel like that I think. We are young, I am her first BF, which I think also contributed to a lot of the problems that we have.
@Thomas,
I think it is worth the dim hope. I am not gonna stop loving her, and she knows that, and I know she also loves me. I will keep going with my life, establish friendships and relationships with others. I feel that we are ment to be, and I think she does as well. I dont know what will happen in 1-2-3-4-5 years, but I can hope. The universe has its plan, but I am part of the universe and I can alter my future. I cant force anyone to love me, but I can love someone and they can fall in love with me more, or again. People can see after being with others if the relationship they had in the past was the special one, and I will be here hopefully still loving her. I want her in my life, I want to help her, I want to see her succeed. I want to keep loving her.
You all make very good points. It is so easy to say move on with it, or accept you messed up and moved on. But I am not one to move on with something I feel so strongly about. There is something special about this relationship. This is where we are at, and I accept it. I think Im rambling.
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