Hurt feelings

Forums: Relationships
Email this Topic • Print this Page

Please tell me that I'm being silly. Or not.
My godson, who lives in Houston, graduates from high school in May and he applied to five colleges, one being Morehouse College in Atlanta. It's no secret how much I was hoping that he would be accepted at Morehouse because then he would be coming to me. I try to be rather cool about most things but my excitement at the prospect of him coming here was not something I could or even wanted to hide. Sometimes you just have to let go, you know, and I've been telling all of my friends, had a couple of Morehouse alumni at the ready to plead his case just in case, I mean, it just meant the world to me that he came here, ever since I moved here eleven years ago and I made no secret of that when talking to him, to his mother, to anyone.
His grandmother, my aunt, called me yesterday evening to rake my brother over the coals (one of her favorite things since my mother died three years ago and they fell out about some decisions that were made) and she says to me, "when I called your brother the other day and told him that John had been accepted at Morehouse..." and she continues talking as if she didn't realize how important this news was to me. Of course I exploded, and when she said that he'd received the acceptance letter LAST WEEK FRIDAY, well, my feelings were hurt. And it's still bugging the hell out of me. I can't understand why no one bothered to call me, KNOWING how important this was to me. And then, my aunt drops it on me so casually and when I respond, flabbergasted that I, of all people, wasn't told this news sooner, by either the graduate himself or his mother, she acts as if I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Am I? I mean, I could get real ugly about this because you know they will be depending upon me a great deal with him here, to feed him, keep an eye on him, and of course his parents will be here often, staying here at my home more than likely. I could be just as casual and unconcerned about him coming here as they've been about my feelings. I could. But it would be ugly, real ugly and it would start a big ol' family brawl.
Should I let it go, be honest and let them know that my feelings were hurt about this or just pretend to be unconcerned about all of it but make myself completely unavailable to them and let the chips fall where they may?

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 1,354 • Replies: 19

No top replies

Eoe--

Knowing your interest, I think that the young man and his mother were thoughtless in not telling you about the Mooreshouse admission.

Judging from what you mention of your aunt, your brother (and your dead mother) your family tradition doesn't include suffering in silence.

Keep in mind, I'm a wimp. I loathe conflict. Obviously this personality trait colors my advice.

For the moment, do nothing. This will be difficult because you have both your outraged feelings and your family traditions of slugging it out urging you to ASSERT YOURSELF and EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS.

You write:

Quote:

... I could get real ugly about this because you know they will be depending upon me a great deal with him here, to feed him, keep an eye on him, and of course his parents will be here often, staying here at my home more than likely.

If this is true; if they are counting on your watchful eye and your unflagging hospitality, they will have to come to you.

Also, please consider that while Morehouse is your College of Choice for your godson, Morehouse may be his ace in the hole. He may prefer one of the other four colleges. One of the other four colleges may offer him more financial help than Morehouse.

If this is the case and you start the Mother of All Family Brawls about being out of the loop, he may go elsewhere. All that ugly feeling would be for nothing.

Polish your nails--even file your nails to scratchy points, but keep your cool. You are going to demonstrate how a woman with her godson's best interests in mind acts.

You can't scream and rage while you're on the Moral High Ground, but there are other compensations.

Hold your dominion.

0 Replies

Is this the same young man whose mother is planning his grad party to facilitate her cruise?

In that case, I don't see how you could be surprised. Cuz that group didn't seem to be considerate of each other, let alone anyone else.

0 Replies

I was afraid that someone would bring this up. You are so right, ehbeth. Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised at all and maybe my cuz is still smarting behind that crack I made about her poor timing and I'm being punished.
But, as Noddy says, why scream and rage while you're on the Moral High Ground? His heart has been set on Morehouse since he was a little boy so he's definitely coming here. I will hold my dominion. There's a very real possibility that his mother, my cuz, will call here today and apologize profusely about not calling sooner. And I will gladly let the wind out of these sails.

0 Replies

From what you've posted in the past, eoe, you're not being punished. She doesn't seem to be tuned in to anyone else's interests. Not her son's, nor yours.

Evil or Very Mad

0 Replies

So ehbeth, taking all of that into consideration, if you were in my clogs, what would you do? Let bygones be bygones or go to the mattresses? Smile

0 Replies

I'd look forward to spending time with my godson, and be as oblivious of his mother as she is of me.

"oh, you're coming to town? i hope you have a great trip. perhaps we'll be able to get together while you're here."

"oh, you were thinking of staying with us? i wish you'd mentioned this earlier. perhaps next time? "

I'm sure you can be charmingly sweet and oblivious. We've ALL got some blonde in us. :wink:

0 Replies

I like Beth's approach. Be cool about it, eoe.....it doesn't pay to get all worked up about chickenshit...... Confused

0 Replies

Interesting that you use the word 'cool', katya - in my circle of friends, it's referred to as being iced. The words are sweet and polite, the tone and message is ice.

0 Replies

ehBeth--

I'm with you on refined bitchery--beats butchery every time and cleanup is much easier.

0 Replies

I agree with the adjectives oblivious and not tuned in. Some people live in their own bubbles and don't pay attention to others' feelings easily.

But this is not the godson's doing, though it is a little odd that he didn't call you either; still, he is young, and it isn't THAT odd that he wouldn't.

On your cousin, I also agree, you don't need to have this be a giant family brawl.. but you also don't need to be a doormat. I'd be friendly but not quite as open to her being welcome to stay at my house any time as I would be otherwise. Not in any kind of retribution, but because the staying would probably bring more of these nonthoughtful instances.

0 Replies

eoe wrote:

There's a very real possibility that his mother, my cuz, will call here today and apologize profusely about not calling sooner. And I will gladly let the wind out of these sails.

This is exactly what happened. She called tonight and explained what had gone on in her home last week. She asked my godson about phoning me on the day he received the acceptance letter. He said that he would. She waited a few days and asked him again. This time, she said, he was so nonchalant about it all, irritated almost, that she dropped it, letting a "man be a man". Why are some young people embarrassed by their accomplishments? I've never understood that.
So, there you go. I feel somewhat foolish now but all is well. This isn't the first time I've shared premature worries with you all. Your imput is greatly appreciated. Thank you all.

0 Replies

It's good to hear that turned out well, eoe.

sidebar: What's this 'letting a man be a man' thing? Isn't he still a teenager?

0 Replies

Yes he's eighteen. Somewhere between a man and a boy. I guess it's hard for a single parent, of the opposite sex especially, to know when to treat a young man like a man or a young woman like a woman and not like your baby.

0 Replies

Eoe--

I like happy endings. May this fall bring a glorious commencement.

0 Replies

Thanks Noddy. I am very, very happy today.

0 Replies

Eoe--

Airing out your guest room?

0 Replies

Good excuse for a little redecorating. We've got several relatives hitting town this summer.

0 Replies

Good excuse for a little redecorating. We've got several relatives hitting town this summer.

0 Replies

eoe; 'hurt feelings' are best kept under a thick bandage, until they are completly healed!
[as i have said somewhere else here lately (in paraphrase);
we retaliate only against ourselves.]

0 Replies

Hurt feelings

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know