Engagement Break Up

Reply Fri 16 Aug, 2013 11:41 am
I met her back in 2009. Shortly there after we were madly in love and engaged. This week she sent me a text stating that she couldn't do this anymore. Broke me down and said she wanted to be friends with the possibility that when I got my license back from a year suspension starting 3/8 she would consider taking me back. Until then she wanted to experience what it was like to be alone since she's always had someone to take care of her.

I can't drive except to and from work so I'm pent up in this apartment with the anxiety attacks, complete loss of sex drive, inability to eat, shakes, and all around broken heart far worse than any other has left me. My Ativan is ill equipped to handle all the symptoms. Friends live a good drive away and are usually unwilling to provide transport or hangout especially with my 12 day first shift work week.

I'd like to hear from anyone whose felt the same way. Suggestions on how to deal with the pain. I've never really been good at meeting new people so any pointers and places to do so keeping in mind I can't drive for another 6 months. Please no criticism about how horrible I am without asking about it first.
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Reply Fri 16 Aug, 2013 12:12 pm
Can you walk in your area?

Try that. Even a little bit, every day. Put on some music if you have it, something lively and in a major key. It does not have to be happy songs, but it's helpful if it's nothing too dark and depressing. If you don't have a means of listening to portable music, then go without it, and just listen to the world. Bird twittering. Cars rumbling by. Etc. etc. And walk. A little or a lot. Exercise has been shown to be somewhat helpful for treating depression.

It is not a cure-all and I do not suggest that you either throw away your pills or walk until your feet drop off. But do get outside and walk a bit. Just make it a point of getting up and out of your home, and walking.

It will help you pass the time. It will give you a good thing to look forward to. It will help you get into better shape while the time is passing and you're waiting to be able to get your license restored. It will maybe make you feel a bit better. And you might actually meet people.

How do you meet people?

The trick is to talk to everyone. Big people. Small people. Male people. Female people. Young people. Old people.

These are not deep, meaningful conversations. Rather, this is small talk.

You're at the checkout line at the grocery. Comment to the next person in line, or the cashier something like, the blueberries looked really good today.

You see someone walking their dog. Ask something like - is your dog friendly? What kind of dog is that? What's his/her name? Can I pet him/her?

Someone has a baby stroller. Say something like - nice weather we're having. Or what a cute baby! Don't linger (new mothers tend to find that creepy). You're not a stalker; you're just someone complimenting their child or the nice day and then you're moving on.

You see other people walking - say something like - good morning. If you see them a lot, say something like - it's great to be outside. See someone who's an obvious runner, who's taking a break (don't talk to them while training; most people get pretty focused)? Maybe ask them - are there races run around here? Never mind whether you're interested in racing - they are.

Little bits of talking to people - these are not friendships. These are acquaintances. But again, this will pass the time, help you to feel a bit better, and give you some practice in talking to, and meeting people.

And hang in there. Breakups suck, to use the technical term. It'll be okay.
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