Is it important to ask the parents of the person you wish to marry for their daughters hand?

Perhaps you might state which culture and/or what country so we have a point of reference?

In North America that is not an issue at all for the most part. However, in parts of NA there may be some old-fashioned families ..a small subset of the mainstream, where it is a treasured practice.

All three of my niece's boyfriends went to the parents to discuss (ask) the issue of marriage. One asked the girl to marry him before talking to the parents, but the others came to the parents before asking the brides-to-be.

Two in CA., one in North Carolina, USA.

Good point. I am referring to a Hispanic family in the Los Angeles area. I am curious how not talking to the parents before hand might influence the relationship going forward.

As you may or may not realize, it depends on whether or not the family of the woman involved is/are old school. Furthermore, it depends also on the engaged women's thoughts on the subject. What does the woman have to say about her parents modern day views vs their clinging to old ways?

What does she indicate in general about the parents modern viewpoints, if she can't be asked directly?

Is the person involved in this matter yourself?

Furthermore, what would be wrong with asking the girl directly if her parents should be asked? She can easily advise the person who would be asking her for marriage if her parents should be asked.

The guy can't ask the parents before even asking the girl if she is willing to consider being engaged.

However, if you not indicating asking parents before asking the girl is even asked... then by all means, the parents being asked after the girl says that definitely she would consider marriage...is a reasonable procedure.

Regardless of where you are, I would think it is the polite thing to do. I talked to my wife's Dad before asking her, I wanted to make sure I had their blessings.

Marriage is a family affair whether you think it is or not. Remember you are not just marrying her, but her family and your family to her. Holidays are spent together and when children come into the picture you have to deal with the parents as grandparents. You can smooth this all out by asking for permission in the beginning. I have 2 sons, and when they get to that point in life, I will give them the same advice.

Question for Baldimo.

Had you and your then girlfriend discussed marriage at any point before going to her father? Were you both of the understanding that this relationship was leading to marriage?

I always thought going to parents more of a "give us your blessing" respectful sort of thing, not asking them for permission to even ask your intended.

BTW, what if the father said "no" for whatever reason, and he had determined he wasn't going to change his mind?

Yes we had discussed marriage at this point in our relationship and knew it was leading there.

I looked at it as a blessing and permission. I wouldn't marry into a family that didn't want me around, so it was both. I wanted permission and the blessings moving forward.

I'm not sure what I would have done if he had said no. I think I knew what the answer was going to be, I had spent a lot of time with her family and they knew me really well. They knew I was a good kid (I was a kid at 22) they knew I would be a good husband and they knew I would be a good provider for her and any children we had.

Back in the day, this was the time to discuss the intention of the man, his ability to take care of the bride and of course, the issue of the dowry.

I don't think there's anything wrong with stating your intention (I'd like to ask your daughter (or i have asked your daughter) to marry me . . .) The father and mother can then ask what they need to find out, i.e. "how are you going to support her with no job?' I also think the issue of wedding costs should be discussed at this time.

I don't think this is the appropriate, or wisest time to bring up the costs of the wedding.

That's really premature. It's a time for rejoicing, not laying down ground rules when there are going to be all kinds of ideas for a wedding.

Also, the idea of "how are you going to support my daughter" is way out of date.
Well, since your daughter is getting her masters degree in economics, I'm pretty sure she's going to have an idea of how to manage funds.

I'm getting older than dirt, but even back in my 20's I would have bristled at the idea that my parents didn't know I could support myself.

It's not like the parents haven't know this guy for some time, and know what his plans for the future are.

I asked my wife's father and my son-in-law asked me. It respectful and to some extent it demonstrates courage.