Psycho-analysis

Hey! I think the parentheses buttons are stuck on your keyboard.

Better have that checked out

No they are not stuck. I was trying to keep the post as short as possible hence: What do (did) you think of it? instead of What do you or what did you think of it?.

Though perhaps the longer version is less confusing.

I assume you are talking about traditional psychotherapy, which is expensive, and a long-term commitment. There are different approaches to therapy now, like CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) which can work wonders for anxiety disorders, depression and a host of other problems. It is also quick, relatively speaking. I went through that, and ended it when I felt better. There was no pressure to stay, and no meds, which for me was a paramount issue in choosing a therapist.

My employer pays for my counselling, so cost isn't an issue.

I've never had psycho-analysis. IT's very expensive.

But...I think it's worth while to invest some time and money in the "talking cure" to try to sort through your feelings and problems.

Some schools have inexpensive rates for patients, so the students can gain experience.

Generally counseling from a psychiatrist costs more than counseling from a psychologist. Psychologists may charge more than Licensed Social Workers.

Like buying a pedigreed dog, the charges reflect what the traffic will bear as well as the amount of formal training the counselor has.

Obviously some counselors--whatever their qualifications on paper--are better than others. I know of a local psychiatrist who is completely inept in dealing with women (although he accepts them as patients).

There are people without official documentation who have a great deal of empathy and common sense who can be very helpful.

I'm assuming you started counseling because you were unhappy with your situation. You wanted to know how you could improve your life.

Obviously the techniques and rules that you were using were not working.

A counselor helps you see why your rules and techniques weren't working and helps you develop more effective ways of coping.

Take your boiler example. KA-BOOOM. No heat. No hot water. Large bill on top of other bills (small, medium and large bills). You react with fury.

You feel that anyone would be angry under those circumstances. Perhaps, but anger doesn't pay bills or fix the boiler. Much of the universe is impervious to anger.

On some level you know that kicking the universe in the shins is not terribly productive.

On the other hand, anger at the universe is safe.

Here's where "displacement" comes in. Your Shrink is asking you to look at your anger (as opposed to "feeling" it or expressing it). Is the boiler the problem? The only problem?

Are you angry with the Shrink because her fees are high and you are dissatisfied with your progress? Has your Shrink become a symbol of authority figures from your past who have hurt you? Is it safer to be angry at the boiler than at authority?

Shrink suggests that perhaps you are unhappy because of a holiday coming up. How do you feel about holidays? Many people from unhappy families have a lot of unhappy memories centering on holidays (when everyone has a right--or even a duty--to be happy).

How do you feel about the Shrink suggesting that your family wasn't perfect?

Before you can solve a problem, you have to see the problem clearly and this is what the Shrink is trying to help you do.

There are two possibilities here:

1) You are sticking to your misperceptions because change is frightening.

2) The Shrink is inept and only after your money.


An outsider simply can't tell which possibility is real--and which is the dream. Is the anger over the boiler disproportionate because you're piggy-backing other anger (perhaps age-old, well seasoned resentment) in there?

Or was your anger over the boiler well within the normal range and the Shrink is chasing butterflies on your dollar?

I can't tell from here--but good luck.

Thanks for the replies, keep them coming; I feel very alone in this.

Noddy


I started counselling because I was a mess. I have had some very difficult situations in my life but I have always been able to manage. The last situation could have resulted in my death and that was something I couldn't recover from on my own. I did try to get on with things; but the more I tried the worse things became. Hence the counselling.

I have gone from counselling to psychotherapy to psychoanalysis. Why? The first came to a premature end when the counsellor decided to emigrate; the therapy was only for a couple of years and she referred me to analysis. I applied because I felt I needed the continued support.

Things are a lot better now for which I am grateful.



Holidays used to be a minor problem for me now I look forward to them. When it is time to come back to analysis my mood becomes low and I feel de-energised.

Before this holiday I was deeply unhappy because of a serious problem I was having with my son.



I know my family wasn't/isn't perfect. For him to tell me that is telling me something I already know. I am beginning to accept them as they are though, so that is progress.



The sticking place is him constantly bringing up the fee. The fee review was in Nov/Dec. I wanted to think about what I could afford and he was upset that I wasn't discussing it with him. This pissed me off so I returned the fee review form the next day saying I couldn't afford an increase. Anyway I got a letter back from the clinic and from this I deduced that no increase was okay. A month later my finances changed and I felt that not increasing the fee was a good idea.

Recently he seems to grab every opportunity to talk about the fee. It is obvious he thinks I am not paying enough and why doesn't he just say so? He keeps on using phrases like - I insist on maintaining that I am getting so little for so much or don't I think the clinic has been generous to me or that I feel guilty about the fee I pay. He even insinuated that others are paying three times as much as I do. I feel he said that to play on the fact that others in my family are better off than I am. He knows how I feel about the small contribution I am able to make to my Father's memorial.

The penultimate session he brought up the fee again, saying the usual things and I exploded (I guess I was that boiler). I was very rude in my use of expletives. I felt quite badly about this outburst. The next day I said I probably could afford x amount per session. Now I am regretting it.

All I can afford to do is pay my bills and eat. Affording clothing is difficult. I feel decorating and getting some much needed furniture and flooring is impossible. Although I fantasize about going on a cruise, going anywhere outside of London is a worry. After I've bought the ticket will I have enough? So, I don't go anywhere.

I'd just like to know when am I really going to be better off?

Re: Psycho-analysis


Are you talking about analysis with an MD, or with a nonmedical person?

Since it is easier to get blood out of a stone I couldn't possibly say. I know his name and that he is in training. That is all I know from him. The fact that I know his first name is because I was treated shabbily by someone at work who had the same name as him (that person was made redundant last year).

I know that to be accepted for training a degree is required; preferably in some medical field. Also relevant experience is necessary. Some people who have been psychotherapists train as psychoanalysts. I imagine social workers would have relevant experience.

Your Shrink is in training. He needs to learn patient skills and you need to develop some assertiveness.

You could switch Shrinks, but:

1. The expense.

2. The wasted time in starting all over.

If you're going to stick with this guy, start practicing assertiveness.

Tell him you feel you were bullied into a fee increase and you resent both the extra money and the bullying. Say you want your fee reduced.

He's practicing on you--practice your assertiveness on him.

As for scheduling the Big Festival for when you finish your treatment and will walk out of the clinic as a completely self-sufficient adult, positively dripping with wisdom....

This depends more on you than on him. He can make all sorts of suggestions--that's easy. You have to make changes--that's hard.

Perhaps he's harping on the fees, trying to encourage you to speak out. Perhaps he's harping on the fees because he wants you to appreciate what he's doing. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

The topic of the fees is on the floor--tell him what you feel and you want.

Then feel very proud of yourself for a start.

Good luck.

If I could afford the cost, I'd undergo analysis with an MD, who doesn't use drugs, but does use talking and understanding.

Thanks. Though I am more assertive than I used to be you are right there is room for further development here. I guess I capitulated because I felt badly about cussing him out.



I will be discussing the fee again because there is no way I can keep up that increase: it is double what I pay. The thought of paying that on a monthly basis makes me feel extremely anxious. I will let him know that I felt bullied and pressurised into such an increase and that I will not be paying that amount.

Looking for information on the web about analysis I have come across two terms to describe a couple of techniques that psychoanalysts use - unconditional positive regard and challenging. When things are going well in analysis I suspect he is giving me unconditional positive regard and this is used as a softening up/ lulling process for challenging which to me is bullying by another name. It is such an unpleasant and confusing experience; has anyone experienced this or something similar?

Go, girl! Go.

there are a number here - maybe they will speak-up???

I have always suspected that so much talk, by my analyst, about the fee at this time must indicate an imminent switch from being a clinic patient to being part of his private practice. Today, at the end of the session, he gave me a letter telling about the transfer to take place in May. No wonder this is so enormously important: soon he will have to rely on what we patients pay him.

You can't blame a young man for wanting to rise in his chosen profession but you are are in to position to overpay.

Perhaps value-for-money is one the hard facts of the profession that his mentor is trying to teach him.