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Fri 2 Apr, 2004 06:31 am
Not that there's anything wrong with being over 40, the problem is that since I was 14 no boys were interested in me and I only attracted men over 40 even though I looked younger than my age; puberty started when I was 7 but I had and still have a very childish face and I'm very short. That ofcourse meant that I didn't date at all until I was 18, not a big deal today but I sure felt traumatized as a teenager.
When I finally began to date, I had to keep my boyfriends secret because I'm sure that no one in my family or social circle would've approved of the men I dated. I wasn't really attracted to any of the men either, but at that age it just seemed more important to be able to get dates at all.
Now I'm in my late 20's, divorced and alone with the kids. He liked me as long as the he-breaks-me-down-shapes-and-molds-me thing was fine with me but he had enough of me when I began to have independent opinions, assert myself, have hobbies that were more typical for my age, wanted to get a drivers license and an education.
So now I don't have any of those things and I don't have a man nor education or drivers license because I can't afford to (it's very expensive in my country to get a license or own a car) because I have to work to support myself and my three children.
I'm still only attracting men over 40, actually 45-55 seems to be the age range I'm attracting and they all seem to have the same motif as my ex. They want someone to adore them uncritically, someone they can shape and mould, someone they can parade around like a trophy.
Difference now and six years ago when I met my ex and was still living at home and used to being totally dominated by my parents, is that I'm no longer content with that kind of relationship.
What do I have to do to attract younger men or at least men who want to be in a relationship with an equal partner.
First off, welcome to Able2know!
Have you tried the online personals? You can specify which age range you're looking for and in that way you can eliminate anyone out of range off the bat.
Where are you going where you meet these men 40 -45? Are you in a situation either work or where you play that tends to cater to older men? Can you become involved in something (probably hard with young children) where younger men tend to be - gym, adult classes, etc? The more you are around men your age, the more opportunity you will have to meet them.
If you really do want to meet men your own age jespah has a great idea or a dating service.
I know people who read this board and it's a problem I can't discuss with them so all I can say is that I used to live in the U.S. am in Europe now but will soon be moving to another EU country. It's no problem since the ex decided not to be a part of our children's lives.
No, I can't afford gym membership, classes or other hobbies that cost money and I can't afford to pay a babysitter on a regular basis. All my money goes to all the boring stuff. I have no family close by. I have had to distance myself from them to get them to stop trying to gain control of my life again.
Maybe I should stop thinking that it's rude to specify a certain age range. Don't know why I feel that way.
It's not rude to want a mate/love who fits your specifications. It is not rude to have preferences. You need not settle for just whoever's out there.
Online and newspaper personals are often free for women (they usually need to attract women). Church attendance is free, isn't it? Most adult education is not expensive. The Y is not super-expensive. Bookstores and the supermarket need not be places where you drop a lot of cash.
The point I'm making is that there are lots of places to meet people and they need not be conventional ones. Do what you enjoy and, of course, what you need to do in your life, and see if there is a way to have these activities coincide with those of men in the age group you want to attract. For example, everyone needs to go food-shopping, but you're highly unlikely to see men in your age group at the grocery store if you only go during normal working hours.
Most introduction agencies are free for women. They make up for it by charging men the proverbial arm and leg.
Okay, will be more specific in my next ad or update.
Yes Dorothy, just be very specific in your ads. It might not result in as many calls, but it will narrow the 'search', so to speak.
Wilso, your post reminded me of a joke:
In the garden of Eden, Adam got lonely. He asked god for a companion. God said "Adam, I can give you your perfect opposite. She will be drop-dead gorgeous, will have sex whenever and however you want, she will cook and clean for you and never criticize you for your faults. You will be happy forever."
Adam says "Sounds perfect! Serve her up!"
God says "Whoa there Adam, this model doesn't come cheap."
Adam says "Okay, what do you need?"
God says "Your left arm, right leg and both your testicles."
Adam says "Hmm....what can you give me for a rib?"
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