Reply Thu 25 Jul, 2013 06:12 am
Well, its been 5 weeks today sincemy breakup, my gf of 5 years, my first love dumped me because she didnt feel the love anymore, was worried over my ambition to find a job and drive became bored and wanted to be single and felt bad for always nagging, didnt want to feel like an "old married couple". We met two days after and we were going to give it another shot but she changed her mind, saying she couldnt do it, couldnt be expected for everything to go back to normal so fast, that its not enough, but wished everyday could be like that because she was so happy and in love. Recently she drunkenly called me ( not the first time since the breakup, didnt answer the two other nights) and i answered this time, she declared her love for me and that she never stopped loving me, expressed her delight at my new job and progress on driving, we were soul mates and how much she has missed me, her life was terrible without me and wanted to meet. she wanted to come over and for me to hold her while we slept but i rejected because she was too drunk. She took it back the next day saying she only misses me as a friend and at first it devastated me but 3 days on and im getting over it. I feel the girl is very confused. Its been a tough 5 weeks, periods of me begging and kept texting to where she wouldnt eventually contact me back at the start, to moments of NC, which she would break with random stuff. I feel a much stronger person and although foolishy i still have hope of a reconciliation, im trying to be a better person. We are on 4 days NC now, and she going away for a week so that will bring it close to two weeks, shes a stubborn girl though and will only initiate contact sparingly, what should i do? i want her back but afraid its getting late, her friend said just give her time and space, what do yee advise?
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 1,253 • Replies: 16
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jespah
 
  2  
Reply Thu 25 Jul, 2013 06:24 am
Delete her contact info.

She is only drunk calling you. This isn't love; it's co-dependency.
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Thu 25 Jul, 2013 06:30 am
Well, at least you know the reason for the breakup: (from your post)
she didn't feel the love anymore
was worried over my ambition to find a job and drive
became bored
wanted to be single
felt bad for always nagging
didn't want to feel like an "old married couple"

So you got a job and now she starts to admire you again. That may be a start, but what about the rest of the issues?

Not only should you give her time, but you need to date others so you can start fresh and find someone who wants to be with you. Continue to develop yourself, too. I have a feeling that you may have let yourself get boring or stagnant and didn't develop or grow as you should have. Good luck.

PS - May I ask your ages?


jerryh10000
 
  1  
Reply Thu 25 Jul, 2013 06:33 am
@jespah,
doesnt a drunken mind speak a sober heart?
jerryh10000
 
  1  
Reply Thu 25 Jul, 2013 06:35 am
@PUNKEY,
we used sit in mine all day cos we had no money to do stuff now i do have money so could fix the boredom, her wanting to be single she said she hates her life now when she was drunk and cant get with anyone, the nagging would go away because i improved myself, and the old married couple was a result of the nagging. im fixing everything i know its only a shiort period of time, and yes we are both 22, 23 at xmas.
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Thu 25 Jul, 2013 06:43 am
@jerryh10000,
Sounds like you two hooked up when you were 15 and 16 and no one grew up.

And no, drunks don't speak the truth. It's called drunk dialing for a good reason. If she can't speak real to you except when she's drunk, there is a problem with communication between you two.

Does she have a drinking problem?

jerryh10000
 
  1  
Reply Thu 25 Jul, 2013 06:49 am
@PUNKEY,
in maybe the last 6 months she would go out 2-3 times a week and get so drunk she could barely stand, while criticising me for going out maybe once for a few jokingly calling me boring and an old man, that mean anything?
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Sat 27 Jul, 2013 08:18 am
Dude - what do you think?

Personality change when drinking, drinking during the week 2 - 3 times, erratic behavior, fighting. What more do you need to know?

Be very careful. You may get what you want.
carlosc2dbz
 
  0  
Reply Tue 30 Jul, 2013 09:00 pm
@jerryh10000,
I hate the I don't want to feel like a married couple. At the same time it is an important statement because they are letting their needs known. THey just want to have fun, and want that spark. Not the old couple who is enjoying sunsets, but rather the young couple who is living life to the fullest. You mentioned that you were poor and it was boring there for a while, quick question, what does she do? Does she have no money? Does she have no job that she can contribute to the relationship and have fun?
jerryh10000
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Aug, 2013 06:59 am
@PUNKEY,
It kind of all started last year, when all her best friends became single and went pure anti relationship.
0 Replies
 
jerryh10000
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Aug, 2013 07:00 am
@carlosc2dbz,
yup i get you, thing is it was always me bringing the fun, she always found herself boring. nope in fact i still had to contribute all the time, whenever i had money it was spent on her at least once or twice a week.
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Aug, 2013 10:51 am
@jerryh10000,
jerryh10000 wrote:

doesnt a drunken mind speak a sober heart?


Not necessarily. Drunk is usually just an indicator of poor judgment.
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Aug, 2013 11:17 am
@jerryh10000,
You too young to let someone make you miserable. Of course you miss her, but only because you don't know how to function as an individual quite yet. I saw many warning signs before I married my first husband. He made me miserable until I found the strength to leave, and I'm sad to say I absorbed a lot of abuse before I ended it. I was so disillusioned after that, I just knew I would never marry again. But as bad as that marriage was, leaving it gave me the strength to be able to determine who was compatible and those I had to cut loose. I wouldn't wish my experience on my worst enemy. I didn't stay single like I thought I would. After 4 years I met a wonderful man and we have been married 35 years. Life throws a ton of grief your way and you need a great partner to work thru those difficulties.

Please don't waste your time with this girl, keep your eyes open you deserve to be happy. Don't sentence yourself to a lifetime of uncertainty.
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Aug, 2013 02:09 pm
@jerryh10000,
My guess as to the most likely reason (and it is only a guess), is that she loves you but doesn't want to be in a relationship with you any more (this is much more common than most people think).

- she didn't feel the love anymore (From you? Did you stop chasing her?)
- you were unemployed and didn't show much interest in getting a job?
- she was bored (this can be a lot more complex, and may not even be your problem but hers - but it is something guys should always be aware of)
- she was nagging you (why was she nagging you?)
- she's young
- her friends were out 'having fun'

Did you go and start ernestly looking for a job after she left you?

I have a suspicion that the two of you still have a lot of growing to do. If right, I'd give the whole thing some space. Go and find yourself, and your life, again.

jerryh10000
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Aug, 2013 11:06 am
@jespah,
Yup your right, no word since which was two weeks ago.
0 Replies
 
jerryh10000
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Aug, 2013 11:07 am
@glitterbag,
Thanks i totally get you, i feel alot better the last week and can feel myself moving on, im just not sure i want to date anyone again for a long time, just want to have some fun.
0 Replies
 
jerryh10000
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Aug, 2013 11:12 am
@vikorr,
Yup i do feel she still loves me, she just kept saying she cant do a relationship right now and needs to be alone for a while. yes i do feel like i got lazy and stopped chasing her , even put on a few pounds, took her for granted. I did but i kept getting negatives replies so was upsetting for her, she works 6 hours a week. she was nagging me to drive and find work, both which have happened since the breakup. yup i feel her friends had massive input as her best two came out of three year relationships and getting around. i did yes i wanted to improve myself, i actually have two jobs now. but yes space is best for both us now.
0 Replies
 
 

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