Will I ever get over it

Rule of thumb - If you can forget, you can forgive.
Can you forget?

He's screwing with you - no one ever forgets (it's technically impossible, unless you somehow repress your memories), but many, many people forgive.

Time is a great healer of hurt, though there are exceptions (like in just about everything)

But it's also about the shattered trust, the damaged connection, and the loss of security...and all of those take time, and often ongoing effort, empathy, and understanding to rebuild.

And just to clarify something - Empathy and Understanding doesn't mean that if : some reasonable time down the track (ie reasonable time to allow you to grieve for the loss of the blue words & to heal from your hurt) - you are having a bad moment while he has been genuinely trying that he can't stand his ground...just that he stand his ground with empathy and understanding.

I'm not screwing with anyone.
My opinion is as valid as is yours.
Or is your opinion the definitive?

A year long relationship is hardly likely to be just sex and the question come to mind how do you know that was the only affair he have had or if he might be in an ongoing affair now for that matter?

All you do know now is that he had at least one year long affair during your marriage that he was able to keep from you for five years.

If you aren't screwing with her, then it's may be your opinion but it is still an error on your part. We don't get a a choice to forget.

And nor is forgetting is not a pre-requisite to forgiveness.

Neither are opinions - the are factual observations - the first can be seen in anyone in a similar situation (excluding repressed memory scenarios), and the second can be seen in many people in similar situations (but not everyone).

That is utter bollux, and you know it!
My opinion is awesome, yours is crap.

A year long affair is premeditated its like planning to hurt you over time, i could go on and lecture you but i think you already know the answer.

Sometimes you just have to ask the basic question. ''Do i really love him???''

Have you ever been able to completely forget the death of a loved one? (if you can recall the death, you haven't forgotten). Or if you'be been married - your wedding day? Do you seriously think it's possible to forget those days?

This event is a big event for the OP. She won't forget it.

Your opinion on this part is plain and simply, wrong.

Nor does forgiveness require forgetting. The next time someone forgives another, ask why they forgave them - the (honest) answer is never 'forgave what?' Most people can articulate why they forgave a person, and to do that, they must remember the incident.

Forgiveness by the way can be about any of the following :
- letting go of the matter
- understanding why the other person did it, and through that understanding, easing away the hurt
- them genuinely apologising and you accepting such
- (other reasons too I'm sure)

None of those specifically given reasons require forgetting.

So your opinion on this is again, wrong.

I don't believe in death, so cannot grieve.

I am correct. Stop thinking everyone perceives as do you - That is narcissism.

Now, accept your errors and grow.

How is it that you only recently found out about an affair that happened 5 years ago? Was it in counseling that it got revealed?

Bottom line: he is with you TODAY. If he wanted to be with her, he would have left you.

Figure out why he has stayed with YOU and - if that is a healthy reason - then embrace that and put all other things aside.

Couples DO get through these things. You can too.

Thankyou punkey, we are trying to work through it, I found out through one of his friends, I asked him why he didnt tell me and he said he didnt want to loose me!

And punkey thankyou for your positive comment

I had an affair a year ago and have not told my husband because I don't want to shatter his world. It was my mess and only I should suffer for it. I went through therapy on my own to weed out why I did it. After a lot of self discovery and mourning the loss of my lover I realised I was addicted to the OM and my marriage was so much more important. I understand why your husband didn't tell you and I'm sure you mean the world to him. Try and find out why he did it and what he learned. Cheaters aren't always bad. He's still with you after 5 years so that must mean something.

I feel and have been told by both parties that it was just sex, he is a truckdriver and only met up when he was away for short periods as he had to be at a destination

Thankyou for your response, we r working on finding out why he did it, he says he doesnt know (sounds crazy but sometimes I think he doesnt)