married but still in love with my ex/daughters father??

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I'm 22 and met my now husband in.high school. We were together on and off for most of the past 8 years. During one of our "off" periods I.met a man through my best friend and we clicked instantly. We dated for about a year then.things got a little rocky due To his bad habits as a teen. Shortly after splitting up my mother had passed away when I was 18 . That then brought me closer to both my now.husband(he had lost both of his parents at a young age) and my other bf.. I ended up getting pregnant two months after my mother passing with my recent bfs child but was not in a stable relationship at the time due to my depression etc. During my pregnancy I.had dated both my.husband and my.daughters father on and off and after she was born. Once she was about a year old I became steady with my.now husband . But still had very intense feelings for both of.them . A part of me believes I.chose my.husband.because he was more financially stable and I knew he could.provide a better life for me and my child than what her father could. I.now.realize that i had made an unfair choice. Back then I was young and confused and totally immature about the situation.so no I am married. We also have a son now. But am finding myself stuck because my daughter's father has still.never given up on wanting to be with me and I'm starting.to.realize that although my kids are financially more stable here that I am not as deeply in love with my husband as I am my ex. I love them both in different ways. And can see myself being happy wither way but something just makes me melt and go.crazy just hearing my exs voice wether I am upset with him or not. I just need some insight on what others may do?**please no.insulting remarks I know I have made mistakes**

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@cstokes0716,

You are very young to have gone through all this. Too bad you didn't have the chance to be independent for a while.

There are all kinds of love. You have a man who will provide and raise your children with you and apparently loves you. Then, you have that love from your youth and all the passion that goes with that. That kind of fantasy can grow if it is allowed to.

I hope you can make a decision based on what is best for you and your children. Make a list of all the positive things for each man. I suspect you will see what you have is the best place to be.

I recommend some counseling to help you move out of your youth love and into a more mature kind of loving

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@cstokes0716,

Ah, if you are happy with your husband, why on earth would you risk everything just because your daughters father makes you melt? We certainly don't have to follow our feelings into every nook and cranny.

Many married women in their 40's who married a 'struggling' husband when they in their 20's , wished they married someone a bit better off (because many don't want to work full time the rest of their life). That is to say - as a long term prospect, someone you love who is also financial, is probably better long term spousal material than someone you who 'makes you melt' but is poor....especially as you're already married to the first.

In the end, my major advice is 'always move towards what makes you long term happy' (I say 'long term happy' because some people mistake just 'happy' for short term 'fixes' that don't actually result in lasting happiness). For, if when you're old, you look back at your life and find your life has been unhappy... it is my belief that you'll have wasted much of your life (if you could have been happy). We are meant to find happiness - sometimes we just have to choose it.

(edit : none of this is telling you to choose one over the other - it's just my general beliefs about life, happiness, and what people truly need to make them happy)

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@vikorr,

Thank you for your response. As I do understand where your coming from and ive often asked myself the same question. Why leave what you have if your financially stable and not all.the way unhappy. But then I look.back to some people whom.stay in a relationship based on finances. My ex was not just a small fling which is what is making.it hard to let go of. We have a 3year old together. I know life with him may take longer to get to where me AD my.husband are financially but that's what being young is about I thought..to start at the bottom and work your way up. My husband's grandparents pretty much boosted him to.the top with co sighning everything a
nd money lending.my biggest issue at the moment is do.I stay with someone I could go days without seeing and could care less or start new with someone who.may not have their life as together but shows Me love every chance.given. my husband and me have no.similar interest so we do not.spend time me and him due to arguments arrise often. Thanks for your feed :-)

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So ask this ex if he is willing to take the risk, pay for your divorce and marry you - with the child - and support you in the manner in which you are accustomed. I doubt if he would or could do that.

It sounds like you have some issues in your marriage. Try to get counseling and work those out.

Your longing for your ex may just be a desire to get away from your marriage problems. You are unhappy and you long for a past full of love and passion.

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@PUNKEY,

I have spoken to my ex regarding the seriousness of the situation , I would.not.expect him to pay for.my divorce as that is my.problem not.his. and I Deffinatly would.not rush into another marriage if I decided to leave my.husband now. If I were to leave I would get my own home.with my.kids and then slowly try things with my ex if he kept his word on his half. I need to do some serious thinking and have some conversations with my.husband before making.any decisions.I thank you for your advise:-)

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@cstokes0716,

cstokes0716 wrote:

I have spoken to my ex regarding the seriousness of the situation , I would.not.expect him to pay for.my divorce as that is my.problem not.his. and I Deffinatly would.not rush into another marriage if I decided to leave my.husband now. If I were to leave I would get my own home.with my.kids and then slowly try things with my ex if he kept his word on his half. I need to do some serious thinking and have some conversations with my.husband before making.any decisions.I thank you for your advise:-)

does anyone know what all the extra periods are about? I like to think that I am up to date, but this is a new one on me.

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@cstokes0716,

Hi was wondering what u decided to do in the end as im in the same situation and its driving me mad Sad

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married but still in love with my ex/daughters father??

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